03-19-2005, 06:32 PM
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Registered User
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 69
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Let me clarify a bit
I thought I might clarify my last post a bit.
Until I read this story, I had never reada story written in present tense that did anything for me. I really liked this story because it was well written. I knew what the main character was feeling, and that is important to me. I don't really enjoy reading stories that simply describe sex acts without emotional connections.
One other thing I really liked about the main character was that she didn't conform to that cliche body form we see too often (36-D Cubed, 24, 36, redhead), and most importantly, this wasn't overemphsized. You simply stated that she had B-cup breasts, and left it at that. Quite a few of us (I'm including myself) make the mistake at some point of overdescribing a character's appearance. I remember one voyeuristic story I read where the author spent pages and pages of space repeating that the female character had a really big and hairy bush. No joke. That was it, over and over. I got to the point after a couple of paragraphs of just skimming over a page, looking for the words "big, hairy, bush" and paging down until I didn't see them anymore.
One of my favorite authors said once: "It is the job of the author to describe the thumb, and convince the reader that they have described the whole hand." You did this well.
The last thing I will mention is that you did all of this in a surprisingly short story. I am impressed, especially since I have the tendency to ramble on in my own stories (and posts, aparently). Please keep up the good work, because I'm looking forward to your next story!
-NastyGuy
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Very good first story
Linear Mode
