SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART I



What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
One US leader.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
Because Janet Reno is her real father.

What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
100 people who don't do dick.

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)



What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rid es

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade ...
Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
Are you sure it's mine?"

What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."


SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYON E, PART III (Just Great Stuff)

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.



Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.



What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.


Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.



What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.


What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front
of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale
begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

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Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

Don't get"pissed off"at the Blonde & Irish ones.My Daughters & I,
are Blonde & Irish! Irish

__________________
Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

Nice ones

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What is life?
If not an excuse for death,
and what is death,
if not an escape from life?

Three women are sitting in a sauna room wrapped only in towels.One is a red head.a brunette and the other,you guessed it,is a blonde.Suddenly there is a beeping sound and the red head taps her wrist.The beeping stops and she explains that she has a pager microchip planted in her arm and she was just paged.Later on the phone rings and the brunette answers the palm of her hand,after- wards explaining that she had a phone microchip planted in her hand and she wa answering a call.The blonde had no up to date technolgy and felt left out.So she excused herself and left to go to the bathroom.A couple of minutes later she returnes with a lng piece of toilette paper comming out of her butt."Oh would you look at that,I'm receiving a fax.

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Sex is one of nine reasons for reincarnation.The other eight are unimportant...Henry Miller

Does this mean I can call you "Peeping Tom" after all?

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I am here for only a short time on this earth. My goal is to make everyone I see smile if only for a moment.

CGT---I hope you know that I was kidding,when I wrote that.I have a "weird" sense of humor.A long time ago,another senior
member,suggested that I put a "smiley"face on my posts,to help
people realise that I was kidding! Irish
P.S.I have been a member,since 2001,many of the "newer"people
,don't realise this.

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Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

Those are really good, just what I needed to start my day off. Thanks!

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"There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that." (Lewis Grizzard)

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
E. E. Cummings

My Pictures

Picture requests

As Promised

Those were great. I'm spilling my coffee all over the place, laughing so hard.
I'd better put the cup down and reread them.

My husband has a friend who's really nice and what not, but the jokes that come out of his mouth have got to be the most unpolitically correct jokes I've ever heard, such as:


What do you call a tall mexican standing next to a short mexican, next to a tall one, then a short one, and so on?

A Spicket fence.

He told a joke about black people once, and I can't recall it, but I asked, "What do you have against black people" He said, "Nothing, I think everyone should own one"

And last of all,

What's the difference between a jew and a pizza?

The pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.



Now, hearing the jokes this guy cracks, you'd think he'd be the most racial person ever, but he's really not, I promise. He caught me so off guard with those jokes when I first met him.

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My Corset Pictures My Feathers My Legs My 'get to know me' pics
Love's Bitch, the writings of my mind

__________________

Tee-Hee... I like them

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"I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be... I'm free to be what I want" - Muhammad Ali

None of those jokes offended me, I want my money back!

I have some hideously crude and offensive jokes, do you want me to post them?

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I want to know everything
I want to be everywhere
I want to fuck everyone in the world
I want to do something that matters

Belial---It won't bother me as long as they're OK with the mods.
They have to watch out for other members being offended,witch
I can understand.Unfortunately,many people take everything
seriously! Irish

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Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

Irish, those were cute. Thanks!

DB

I remember all that going on and I seen the smiley. I just didn't wanna step on you toes darlin. ( or your feelings). I love to cut up and joke around too ya know! But I won't do it at other people expense. And Dammit I hate political correctness! So you ARE a peeping Tom! SO THERE!

BTW..... They are good ones.

__________________
I am here for only a short time on this earth. My goal is to make everyone I see smile if only for a moment.