**MEN'S MERIT / DEMERIT GUIDE**
>
> For thousands of years, men have tried to understand
> the Rules when
> dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit
> guide will help you to
> understand just how it works.
>
> Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule
> applies: Make the
> woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get
> points. Do something
> she dislikes and points are deducted. You don't get
> any points for doing
> something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the
> game is played.
>
> Here is a guide to the points system:
>
> SIMPLE DUTIES
>
> You make the bed.....+1
> You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative
> pillows......0
> You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
> You leave the toilet seat up.....-5
> You replace the toilet paper roll when it is
> empty......0
> When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to
> Kleenex.....-1
> When the Kleenex runs out you use the next
> bathroom.....-2
> You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with
> wings......+5
> In the snow .....+8
> But return with beer.....-5
> And no liners.....-25
>
>
> You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0
> You check out a suspicious noise and it is
> nothing.....0
>
> You check out a suspicious noise and it is
> something.....+5
>
> You pummel it with a six iron.....+10
>
> It's her cat.....-40
>
>
> AT THE PARTY
>
> You stay by her side the entire party.....0
> You stay by her side for a while, then leave to
> chat with a College drinking buddy.....-2
>
> Named Tiffany.....-4
> Tiffany is a dancer.....-10
> With breast implants.....-18
>
>
>
> HER BIRTHDAY
>
> You remember her birthday.....0
> You buy a card and flowers.....0
> You take her out to dinner.....0
> You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports
> bar.....+1
> Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2
> And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3
> It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and
> your face is painted
> the colors of your favorite team.....-10
>
>
> A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
>
> Go with a pal.....0
> The pal is happily married.....+1
> The pal is single.....-7
> He drives a Ferrari.....-10
> With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....-15
>
>
> A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
>
> You take her to a movie.....+2
> You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
> You take her to a movie you hate.....+6
> You take her to a movie you like.....-2
> It's called Death Cop III.....-3
> Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.....-9
> You lied and said it was a foreign film about
> orphans.....-15
>
>
> YOUR PHYSIQUE
>
> You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15
> You develop a noticeable pot belly &exercise to get
> rid of it.....+10
> You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to
> loose jeans and baggy
> Hawaiian shirts.....-30
> You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one
> too.".....-800
>
>
>
> THE BIG QUESTION
>
> She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
> You hesitate in responding.....-10
> You reply, "Where?".....-35
> You reply, "No, I think it's your ass".....-100
> Any other response.....-20
>
>
>
> COMMUNICATION
>
> When she wants to talk about a problem:
> You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0
> You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5
> You relate to her problem and share a similar
> experience......+50
> You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear
> her saying "well,
> what do you think I should do?".....-100
>
> You have fallen asleep.....-200
>
> IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
>
> You talk.....-100
> You don't talk.....-150
> You spend time with her......-200
> You don't spend time with her.....-500
> You seem to be enjoying yourself.....-1000
>
> GAME OVER - YOU LOSE !!!

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

How FUNNY, Lil.

__________________


"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, then let it, and if you have to wait for what you really want, take the time because nobody said that life would be easy. They just promised it would be worth it." ~ Unknown author

Cats and Dogs

What is a Cat?

1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They`re totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They`re moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.

Conclusion: They`re tiny women in little fur coats.

What is a Dog?

1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of
furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but
don`t hear you when you`re in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they don`t want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give
you a kiss.
9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you.

Conclusion: They`re tiny men in little fur coats

What would we do without them?

__________________
CAPTIVATE MY ATTENTION, POSSESS MY BODY, INVADE MY MIND, ROCK MY WORLD AND, CALL ME "YOUR" BITCH... YOU KNOW MY HUNGER, YOU OWN MY DESIRE, YOU HAVE MY WILL, TAKE ME BABY... DIVINE PLEASURE