by Richard Alleyne

A man has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.

Robert Stewart was discovered in his room by two cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year.

On Wednesday Mr Stewart admitted to sexual breach of the peace in Ayr Sheriff Court, where depute fiscal Gail Davidson described how he had been found by the hostel workers.

She said: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both witnesses, who were extremely shocked, notified the hotel manager, who in turn alerted the police.

Mr Stewart was placed on the sex offenders’ register but his sentence was deferred until next month.

He is not the first man to be convicted of a sexual offence involving an inanimate object, however.

Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.

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Put me on wheels and I'll turn tricks.

Clever? Nah, I ran out of that years ago. But if you find this, let me know, k?
"The road goes ever on..." ~ Tolkien

In memory of my friend skip...
Go then, there are other worlds than these

Wait a minute here!

This guy was in a locked room! What ever happened to privacy? What is going on in this world when a person can't fuck a bicycle in the privacy of his own locked room without having to worry about someone barging in and arresting him?

What's next? Spycams in the pastures?

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Though I am different from you,
We were born involved in one another.

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

Complete surrender should not just come at moments in which one faces overwhelming odds, but in the calm when it seems one is personally in complete control of one's life.

There was nothing said about the age of the bike...I guess that may have been a factor...

As disturbed as I am over how one has sex with a bike, I'm really really really curious about the guy who had "sex with pavements"

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Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.

He could have used the, "I was only pumping the tires" defense.

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Sex is one of nine reasons for reincarnation.The other eight are unimportant...Henry Miller

But a bicycle? He was trying to have sex with a bicycle?

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It takes a gutless mouse to play only when the cat's away.

No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever. ~~ Francois Mocuriac

Confucius say, "He who masturbate into cash register come into money."

An optimist looks at the glass and says it's half full. A pessimist looks at the glass and says it's half empty. A Cubs fan looks at the glass and says, "When's it gonna spill?"

Deus Impetitio Esuritori Nullus

I have to agree
What happened to freedom of religion?
Who decides how you must worship?

Never mind I said nothing

.

Not so much "Thou shalt not commit buggery" as...

... and the Lord said, behold, I have created this bicycle, which is a wondrous and a magical instrument, the which has wheels both in the front and at the rear, the which is meet for transporting my faithful people across this land. And men shall mount this instrument and ride it, for the transportation thereof. Yet never, I say, shall man ride the bicycle in a profane, lascivious or lewd manner, spewing his seed therein, and indeed, this coggery is forbidden.

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Erotically yours... Gus

IowaMan,

I am with you on this! I too find it very difficult to get it to make sense.

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Eudaimonia

He was in a locked room? And they let themselves in....Ohhh man i'd sue their asses for invading my privacy!

But a bike?????...damn if it was me i'd have watched to see how he did it *LMAO*

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What I don't get is what law did they arrest him under? Who had the forethought to write a law against bicycle sex? Does this make him a velocipedophile?

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OTP, siempre

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Stories
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"I walk with my head held high and naked in the sun, claiming these streets for myself."--Jonatha Brooke

No...just a peddlephile.

__________________
Though I am different from you,
We were born involved in one another.

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

Complete surrender should not just come at moments in which one faces overwhelming odds, but in the calm when it seems one is personally in complete control of one's life.

Coggery!?

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On the kinkometer, my kink measures as a sine wave.