How much weight do we lose during sex? The diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning
sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable. Yet, a
survey of 206,000,000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual.

EXAMPLES:
1 hr. intensive foreplay Burns Off: 1 slice (large) chocolate
cake.
25 min. nonstop lovemaking Burns Off: 2 slices of pizza
with cheese & mushrooms.
53 min. of kissing partner Burns Off: 1 cheeseburger with
14 french fries.
53 minutes kissing yourself Burns Off: Christmas turkey
with all the trimmings.

continued........

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

PREPARING THE BEDROOM

Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights:
42 (calories burned)

ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS
Hiding the sex manual: 3
Decanting the wine: 4
Without a corkscrew: 268

MAKING THE FIRST MOVE
If you are shy: 15
If you are anxious: 43
If you beg: 100

SEDUCING THE PARTNER
If you are rich (cash): 5
If you are rich (credit card): 15
If you are poor: 200

INITIAL BODY CONTACT
Fumbling: 4
Casually rummaging around: 7
Seriously rummaging around: 42

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

REMOVING CLOTHES
With partner's consent: 12
Without partner's consent: 187
Removing socks by violently shaking feet: 418

AROUSAL AND STIMULATION
Blowing in partner's ear: 15
Blowing in your own ear: 2,512

DISAPPOINTMENT (after seeing partner undressed)
Partner looks better with clothes on: 10
Partner wears corrective underwear: 15
Partner turns out to be of wrong sex: 100
You don't mind: 0.25
Partner wearing elevated socks: 50

DOING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME
Fumbling around: 4
Desperately trying to put something somewhere: 18
Completely missing: 126

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

POSITIONS
Italian (man on top; woman on bottom): 26
German (facing each other, but in different beds): 48
English (woman on top; man hiding): 15
American (both on top): 1,243

AFFLICTIONS
Leg cramp: 36
Making believe you don't have a leg cramp: 612
Sneezing (during intercourse): 7
Sneezing (during orgasm): 588

ASSORTED ACCIDENTS
Toupee slips off (if your partner knew you wore one): 5
Toupee slips off (if partner didn't know): 72
Extinguishing cigarette (in ashtray): 1
Extinguishing cigarette (in mattress): 17
Extinguishing cigarette (in partner's leg): 133
Calling your partner the wrong name: 50

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

THINGS OFTEN SAID AFTER SEX
"I am so grateful": 15
"It must have been something we ate": 15
"Was it good for you?": 15
"Are you finished?": 15
TRYING AGAIN
If woman is ready: 5
If man is not: 563
ROLLING OVER AND GOING TO SLEEP
After sex: 18
During sex: 546
While parking car: 212
SLEEP
Real: 5
Faked (a good way to avoid sex-craved partner): 74

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE :lust:
Shoes flew off: 15
Expression didn't change: 0.5
Room turned purple: 4
Face turned purple: 78
Earth moved: 30
If Earth actually moved: 1,234,588
Moaning in Turkish: 506

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

TAKING A BATH TOGETHER
In a bath: 5
In a sink: 150
In a jacuzzi: 15,269
MAKING THE BED
With partner still in it: 44 (indicates either a neatness
obsession, a severe optic disorder, or a partner who
is very tired).
With you still in it: 97 (suggests extreme withdrawal
and profound dissatisfaction)

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

__________________

ROTFLMFAO@Sharnie!!!!!!! High five Girl friend!!!!

__________________
_______________________
*Diva*



"Never shall I forget the time I spent with you. Please
continue to be my friend, as you will always find me yours."
Ludwig van Beethoven (1770-1827)

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."