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Sex, Calories & Weight Loss
How much weight do we lose during sex? The diet literature explains calories burned while jogging, playing tennis or golfing, but similar information concerning
sexual activity has, until now, been unavailable. Yet, a survey of 206,000,000 people indicated that 96% devote more time and effort to sex than jogging, tennis, or golf, and felt that the time was right for a new type of sex manual. EXAMPLES: 1 hr. intensive foreplay Burns Off: 1 slice (large) chocolate cake. 25 min. nonstop lovemaking Burns Off: 2 slices of pizza with cheese & mushrooms. 53 min. of kissing partner Burns Off: 1 cheeseburger with 14 french fries. 53 minutes kissing yourself Burns Off: Christmas turkey with all the trimmings. continued........ |
PREPARING THE BEDROOM
Includes setting the snooze alarm and dimming the lights: 42 (calories burned) ADDITIONAL LAST MINUTE PREPARATIONS Hiding the sex manual: 3 Decanting the wine: 4 Without a corkscrew: 268 MAKING THE FIRST MOVE If you are shy: 15 If you are anxious: 43 If you beg: 100 SEDUCING THE PARTNER If you are rich (cash): 5 If you are rich (credit card): 15 If you are poor: 200 INITIAL BODY CONTACT Fumbling: 4 Casually rummaging around: 7 Seriously rummaging around: 42 |
REMOVING CLOTHES
With partner's consent: 12 Without partner's consent: 187 Removing socks by violently shaking feet: 418 AROUSAL AND STIMULATION Blowing in partner's ear: 15 Blowing in your own ear: 2,512 DISAPPOINTMENT (after seeing partner undressed) Partner looks better with clothes on: 10 Partner wears corrective underwear: 15 Partner turns out to be of wrong sex: 100 You don't mind: 0.25 Partner wearing elevated socks: 50 DOING IT FOR THE FIRST TIME Fumbling around: 4 Desperately trying to put something somewhere: 18 Completely missing: 126 |
POSITIONS
Italian (man on top; woman on bottom): 26 German (facing each other, but in different beds): 48 English (woman on top; man hiding): 15 American (both on top): 1,243 AFFLICTIONS Leg cramp: 36 Making believe you don't have a leg cramp: 612 Sneezing (during intercourse): 7 Sneezing (during orgasm): 588 ASSORTED ACCIDENTS Toupee slips off (if your partner knew you wore one): 5 Toupee slips off (if partner didn't know): 72 Extinguishing cigarette (in ashtray): 1 Extinguishing cigarette (in mattress): 17 Extinguishing cigarette (in partner's leg): 133 Calling your partner the wrong name: 50 |
THINGS OFTEN SAID AFTER SEX
"I am so grateful": 15 "It must have been something we ate": 15 "Was it good for you?": 15 "Are you finished?": 15 TRYING AGAIN If woman is ready: 5 If man is not: 563 ROLLING OVER AND GOING TO SLEEP After sex: 18 During sex: 546 While parking car: 212 SLEEP Real: 5 Faked (a good way to avoid sex-craved partner): 74 |
ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE :lust:
Shoes flew off: 15 Expression didn't change: 0.5 Room turned purple: 4 Face turned purple: 78 Earth moved: 30 If Earth actually moved: 1,234,588 Moaning in Turkish: 506 |
TAKING A BATH TOGETHER
In a bath: 5 In a sink: 150 In a jacuzzi: 15,269 MAKING THE BED With partner still in it: 44 (indicates either a neatness obsession, a severe optic disorder, or a partner who is very tired). With you still in it: 97 (suggests extreme withdrawal and profound dissatisfaction) |
Now if that were all true...i SHOULD have the figure of Halle Berry!!! LMAO
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ROTFLMFAO@Sharnie!!!!!!! :D :D High five Girl friend!!!!
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