Island Paradise Revisited 20

M/F, F/F & just about everything else

As I stood atop the ledge of the highest cliff on the island, I looked down and watched the ocean's waves crash into the large boulders embedded there. There was a good 3,000 feet separating myself and rock bottom, but I felt somewhat at ease surrounded by the red sky as twilight settled in. For the first time since yesterday, at least. Why? Well... this was the end of the road for me.

Since Pamela left my life forever less than 24 hours ago, I had given a lot of thought to everything which took place over the past seven months. Perhaps she was right, and I had been too blind to even see the most obvious things.

During the summer-time, there was such a feeling of camaraderie amongst the girls. Pamela, Lindsay, Amy, Torrie, Trish, Lisa and Christina - all of them, for the most part, got along so wonderfully. There was such a sense of love and sharing amongst that group, until Trish ultimately had her disagreement over Lindsay with Amy near the end.

I did not count that, however, because mostly everything before then had went so beautifully.

Of course, I wanted to re-create those happy feelings when bringing Torrie, Amy and Trish back to the island for the winter, along with newcomers Cassidy, Stephanie and Devon. They were to join Lindsay, Pamela and myself - and my goal was to not have a single problem between any of us.

But there had really been nothing but minor squabbles and heated arguments amongst the ladies since the winter began. First, it was Torrie and Amy - not so much of an argument, but simmering, bitter feelings between the two. Torrie was angry at Amy, thinking she had lured her into the porn industry while not caring about her one bit. Torrie said that Amy only did it for her own good.

Then, of course, Torrie had her series of meltdowns once she learned that Trish was coming back to the island. Torrie finally thought she had a chance to get in with Lindsay - her secret crush in life - but knew that went out the window once Trish - Lindsay's favorite lady - made her triumphant return to the island.

Who could forget Devon and my suspicions about her? I thought she had her sights set on harming my marriage with Pamela, and I came within an eyelash of sending her home because of it. I had a nice, long talk with her, though, and we ironed everything out.

There was the infamous night when Pamela basically beat Devon up too, and bloodied her in the process. Pamela was afraid that Devon was out to end our marriage as well (which I found quite peculiar now, considering what happened here yesterday), thanks to Cassidy and her false rumors.

Things between Devon and Pamela were eventually smoothed out, but the complications of that evening still seemed to linger between them until the very end. Of course, I sent Cassidy - who admitted to being a compulsive liar - home without even a second thought.

Things kind of exploded once Pamela snapped at Lindsay - of all people - telling her that she wanted to spend the evening alone with Trish. The end result of the discussion between Pamela and Trish was that I no longer had a wife, because Lindsay's soulmate had run off to Canada with her.

Just a single thought about the horrific events of yesterday sent absolute shivers down my spine. While standing atop that cliff which overlooked the ocean, I watched a flock of seagulls drift by. What was it like, I thought to myself, to be able to fly so freely?

Of course, here I stood - a shell of the man I was just 24 hours ago. My wife had left me for another woman, and I didn't even see it coming. I was too blind, too naive. My ex-fiancee, Victoria... she left me for another woman, too.

I never thought I could have had a more worse, pitiful feeling than I did when Victoria left me standing at the altar some eight years ago. However, Pamela saying that my marriage with her was nothing more than a mistake and then her leaving me for another woman - just like Victoria did - the feelings within me were a million times worse.

Dear, sweet, little Lindsay... she had not stopped crying since the events of yesterday. I felt terrible for her because Trish had stabbed her in the back, and then ripped her heart out again - just like in the summer-time. Lindsay deserved nothing bad to happen to her. Seeing her in pain only added to my own pain...

What I once thought of as island paradise had suddenly been transformed into an island of bickering and horror. Arguments and problems were abound since the winter began, and then that absolute bomb was dropped yesterday.

I had worked so hard to promote a feeling of togetherness and love amongst the girls... but failed. Even where what I once thought of as my "save haven" in life - this island - I had failed. I felt so sick inside that it actually hurt.

I took a deep breath while watching one of the waves crash into the series of thick, jagged rocks below me. The sounds being created were peaceful, but I knew what I was debating in my mind right now was anything but.

"Jump," I said to myself.

Why not? Pamela had tore my heart out and sent it through a meat grinder with what she did to me yesterday. It was bad enough that Pamela left. It was even worse when she claimed she never really loved me in the first place. Our marriage, in her own words, was a mistake.

"Jump," I told myself again. "Do it."

Without me to ruin her life, Lindsay would be with her

family right now in Ohio. She would be a college student and, of course, the most popular co-ed on campus. Lindsay would be leading a much happier life if I had never brought her here, and ruined it for her. She wouldn't have had to go through all this bickering and heartache.

She would have never met Trish, and her life would be better now because of it.

"Jump, you loser," I said, getting more and more agitated with myself. "End it. End it now. Jump!"

If I were to take a swan-dive off of that 3,000 foot cliff, I would leave Lindsay and the other remaining girls - Amy, Torrie, Devon and Stephanie - behind.

"They'll find their way," I summarized outloud. "All it will take is a call to the mainland authorities."

Of course, the main reason why I was contemplating suicide at this very moment in time was because of the extreme pain and hurt which had flooded my body. I just couldn't live like this. I gave everything that I could possibly give to Pamela - and she said our marriage had been a mistake.

I shook my head while looking downward. There was no need to have a second thought about Pamela, or anything else that happened to me. It was too painful, and not worth my time. None of this, in fact, was worth my time.

"Jump. You'll be in a better place because of it. End the pain. No one will care that you did it, anyway."

I closed my eyes and prepared to do the unthinkable...

* * *

"JEREMY!"

The loud, deafening scream sounded like a firecracker had just went off. "JEREMY!" Opening my eyes and taking a step back from the ledge, I turned around and noticed Lindsay running toward me as fast as she could. "JEREMY..." she said once in front of me, leaning over and holding onto her knees, trying to catch her breath.

"What are you doing here, Lindsay?" I asked her, angry.

I was too irrational to feel otherwise.

"I... f-found you... with the voyeur room," she replied, still short of breath. "Whew... what a run. Where have you been all day? We've been worried si-sick!"

"What are you doing here?" I reiterated, my arms folded.

"Oh my God..." Lindsay said, looking up at me and shaking

her head. "You were going to do it. Weren't you?" She paused and added, "You were going to... jump."

I held back a laugh and countered, "So? It's not like anyone is going to miss me."

"I'd miss you, Jeremy," the 19-year-old said, reaching out and lightly grasping my wrist with her hand.

"No you wouldn't," I told her, my mind too hazed to think straight. "No you wouldn't. No one would."

"How can you say that, Jeremy?" she asked, looking hurt.

"Maybe because it's the truth?" I told her. "No one

cares what happens to me. No one ever has. First it was Victoria, and now Pamela. No one cares."

"I'm not Victoria or Pamela," Lindsay countered, shaking her head in the process. "I'd never hurt you, Jeremy."

"I thought the same way about them," I said, turning my face to the side. "I thought I was going to grow old with Victoria. We were going to have kids, a happy family. But it never happened. Pamela? We were going to spend the rest of our lives together in paradise. A beautiful, tropical paradise. I loved her. But she simply tolerated me. Our marriage, she said... it was a MISTAKE."

"I love you, Jeremy," Lindsay shrieked, tears forming in her eyes. "I'd never do a thing to hurt you..."

"Go back to the mansion, Lindsay, and let me do what I have to do," I told her bluntly, my mind still too whacked. "The pain will be gone. I'll be in a better place."

The little blonde looked at me for several seconds, and then started to cry. Still too intent on what I wanted to do myself, I did not pay her a lot of attention. I turned my face to look back down at the rocks thousands of feet below, but then got a rather harsh wake-up call.

Lindsay grabbed ahold of my shoulders and steered me away from the ledge, then extended her right hand and slapped me across the face as hard as she possibly could.

"DAMNIT, JEREMY!" she exploded, my eyes wide in response. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? Look at what happened to me, will you?" She punched my shoulder and continued, "Look at what happened to me! NOT ONLY DID I LOSE TRISH, BUT I ALSO LOST PAMELA! In the same day! I LOVED TRISH SO MUCH, AND PAMELA WAS MY SECOND-FAVORITE AMONGST THE GIRLS! I've spent nearly seven months of my life with Pamela! MY GOD, JEREMY... YOU LOST YOUR WIFE, BUT I LOST TWO PEOPLE! I'M NOT STANDING AT A CLIFF, READY TO JUMP OFF!"

I was too stunned to even say anything in response to her.

I had NEVER seen Lindsay so harsh and angry before...

"I can't stop you," she said seconds later, her voice much more calm and relaxed. "Not physically, at least. But if you jump, Jeremy... I'll follow you down. I'll jump, too."

"WHAT?" I managed to get out, taken completely off-guard.

"I'm not losing the three most important people in my

life, in less than a 24 hour span," she replied, starting to cry again. "Pamela and Trish were bad enough. But... I can't lose you too, Jeremy. It would destroy me. I... I couldn't handle that. I... just couldn't."

Lindsay's slap to my face, followed by her punch upon my shoulder and then those powerful words... Fortunately, she had managed to bring back my sanity. And, there wasn't a better time for her to pound some sense into me than now...

"I'll jump right after you do," she reiterated, shaking her head through a sheet of tears. "I love you, Jeremy. I love you more than anything. I haven't always said or expressed that as much as I'd like, because Pamela was your wife and I didn't want to cause friction." Lindsay shook her head once more and started crying even harder. "I'm not losing you too, Jeremy. I'll go to Heaven or Hell with you, either way. You jump... and I jump."

"I love you too, sweetheart," I told her after several seconds of silence. Finally, I had regained my mind. "I... you... you saved my life."

"I know how much it h-hurts..." Lindsay cried, stepping forward and hugging me. She jammed the side of her face into my chest and continued, "I feel it just like you d-do, Jeremy. Pamela was your wife, but Trish was a wife to me. I lost her, and Pamela too. Pamela was... my best friend."

Lindsay broke off our embrace and looked into my eyes, saying, "B-But you know wh-what? Even though both of them stabbed us in the back... we'll make it through. You and me, Jeremy. We'll do it... t-together."

As the 19-year-old's cries reached their apex, it was if her legs had given out underneath her. Lindsay crumpled to the ground, and I went down with her. I hugged her tightly and started to cry myself. "As long as I am with you, sweet thing... yes, we'll make it through," I said. "Together..."

Lindsay and I cried together, embracing one another tightly, for a good ten minutes. At the same time, I openly wondered to myself if this was the person - Lindsay - that I should have been with from the very beginning.

Lindsay saved my life...

<<<- End of Part 20 ->>>

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