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Well, by an amazing coincidence...

By Lester Haines


NSFW Our female readers are invited to imagine the
folllowing scenario: It's Monday, you're at work,
you're bored, you're thinking "how could I possibly
spice up this trawl of the 2,000 weekend emails in my
inbox?" when it occurs to you that if someone were to
invent an SMS-triggered Bluetooth vibrator then your
partner could bring you to an earth-shattering climax
simply by texting a few sweet words of lurv, leaving
you totally satisfied as a woman and fit to face the
most daunting online task.

Well, you're in luck, because UK outfit the Cool &
Groovy Toy Company Ltd has plugged this particular gap
in the life-enhancing technology market with The Toy,
described as a "hi-tech vibrating bullet". The blurb
explains:

Connected to a mobile phone with Bluetooth it becomes
an intimate, silent connection between two lovers,
regardless of distance. Custom designed for your
pleasure, it is intelligent, sophisticated and
invented for bliss. The Toy is worn internally, linked
to a mobile phone and controlled by sms text messages
sent to the phone. Once read, the message is
transported automatically to The Toy, which turns it
into vibrations - with a huge range of movements,
depending on what you have written. Just say what you
feel, The Toy will do the rest.

Good Lord. Apparently, you crack off a quick SMS
containing a secret six-digit tag which enables the
device. Twenty-six letters each have three "different
movement profiles" with five speeds and three time
settings. This allows 45 possible effects from any
single letter and an astounding "7200 variations from
a single text message".

No, we haven't really got a clue what that's all
about, so let's have a quick shufti at the specs.
Suffice it to say, we're talking cutting edge
electronics, intelligent CPU and turbo-boost circuitry
packed into a throbbing 90mm of can javelin. Oh yes,
it also has a 14.5 cm high tensile coated cable
antenna which doubles as a handy extractor - a nice
touch.

Finally, The Toy is "not discoverable in a Bluetooth
search", so there's no chance of your other half being
molested by a wireless groper.

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
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