Ok so I don't know how to introduce this so I am jumping right in...

My grandmother has been in intensive care or a hospital of some type since Christmas. We have almost lost her several times. She has had several heart attacks, a stroke, pnemonia(sp), a flesh eating disease, and some blood disease. When we first almost lost here I cried a great deal and accepted the fact that she was going to die. I then decided I had to be strong for my mom because I knew this was going to be hard on her. My grandmother keeps pulling strength out of no where and comes back to us. Well last week we got her off the ventalator and she was off for a full week, in the middle of that week however her trache fell out (that round thing in the neck if I spelt that wrong). There was a doctor on call that couldn't get it back in caused her to lose a lot of blood, well she asperated some of that blood and now has come down with her second case of pnemonia, diagnosed yesturday. I really don't think she is going to pull out of it...

Some background, I was taking classes about an hour away during the first six monthes of her being in the hospital so I was away and able to deal with it when I had time and on my own terms. I also had friends to hug and hold me when I was crying and help me deal. Now that I am home for the summer I don't have any close friends nearby, and everyday my mom goes to the hospital my mom makes me go as well.

I love my grandma, I was her favorite, it's not that I don't want to see her, it's just that I want to remember her as who she was, not an invalid in a bed who can't talk. All of the things that she loved to do, she can't now, nothing kills me more, she looks so sad. I remember back when we went to church together she would tell me, I just can't wait to go home... my question is... why won't she go, why won't he take her?? She is in so much pain, and she hurts so bad... you can just see it in her face.

Right now I am having trouble dealing, I can't cry in front of my mom for several reasons I don't want to get into. I need talk with someone but all my friends have work in the morning or I am unable to talk to. I don't know who really to turn to without sounding like some whinney kid. I'm not depressed, I just have this lonely open gapping hole suddenly...

So to turn this out of a self pitty party I have questions for all of you... Do you want to be a DNR (Do Not Revive(sp))? Which means no CPR, no help breatheing, and I am not sure what else, basically no life support. At what point did you decide you wanted to be a DNR? I feel right now if something happened to me I would want everyone to do what they could to help me live, I'm not ready to go. Lastly does your decision of this relate to your religious beliefs, or where you stand with God?

I would appreciate any advice or words that anyone can give me. I am sure I am not the only one that has experienced this. Give me some advice on how to handle it. I have never lost someone in my close imediate family.

__________________
~Kaelynn~

Some days life can be shitty , some days life can be outstanding ;
Sometimes you find love , sometimes you find fun ;

Just remember through all these changes you are you, special and unique...

Just a reminder to those who are like me and need it...

K~ I lost my grandmother a couple summers ago. I did not go to the hospital to see her either. I felt I had already said my goodbyes. I have a living will on file, and Mr. Lil knows that should my prognosis be grim I want to be DNR. My fear is that my state does not recognize my rights or that of my husband to speak on my behalf. My DNR wishes do stem some from my religious beliefs but more so from my biological beliefs. I'm also an organ and tissue donor for those same reasons.

I'm sorry that you are going through this but I know you will remember her fondly for the rest of your life and through you she lives.

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
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What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

(((((((((Kaelynn)))))))

I also would want to be DNR.

My grandfather suffered a series of strokes about a decade ago & my mother and aunts would not take him off life support. He was a big man, strong as a horse and to see him wasting away . . . I was pretty sure he wouldn't have wanted to be like that. He was so vibrant, he used to cook for 30 people & could probably add a bathroom to your house between courses. To see that vibrant man wasting away so much that his false teeth didn't fit anymore . . . it was tough.

I have some issues here, as I had difficulty dealing with a terminal sister and a

mother wasting with Alzheimers.

I do know that if I was lying in bed slowly slipping away, I would want some of my own

to call in and keep me up on gossip and slip me some scotch and dry.

Do as I wish, not as I wimp out.

__________________
Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

(((((((((kae)))))))))))

Chin up, sistah!

I lost my grandma about six months ago. We had a similar emotional bond like you described. I was the favorite, and she was my grandma. She taught me to play piano, and would let me sit next to her on the piano bench while she played in church. She listened when I talked, and valued my opinions even when I didn't have a clue what i was talking about. She was the one that convinced me that my boyfriend was a no good piece of shit when we broke up and accepted him back into the fold without question when we got back together six months later. She was an astonishing Christian lady, but she never took any airs about herself. She even bought me my wedding night lingere.
She had congestive heart failure for several years. She would ahve good days and bad, better and worse. I watched her go from playing paino every Sunday to not having the energy to move her hands from her lap to the keys. As she got worse, she started retaining fluid and that poisoned her mind. Sometimes she wouldn't even remember my name or my son's name.
Other times, though, she was clear as a bell. The last conversation we ever had togther we were talking about football - she lived for the Pittsburgh Steelers. she asked me if I had rooted for the Steelers in the game that afternoon and I told her of course I had. "good," she joked "otherwise i would ahve to come to ******* and burn your house down."
she was a DNR and when she finally went I was so sad, but i was also very thankful. I knew that she wasn't living the kind of life that she wanted to live anymore and that she would be so much happier in heaven. I firmly believe that she was granted a new body, and a heart that works. I firmly believe that she is happy, painless, and carefree. I think signing a DNR was one of the best decisions she ever made.

Wow, this was longer than I intended. Girl, PM me if you need to talk. You can never have too much support. I'll be thinking about you.

LAW

People hang on for reasons that are unknown. It is remarkable how strong the will to live is. Sometimes we need to tell them that it is ok, that they can go and find peace.

I can't and wouldn't tell you what you should do regarding your Grandmother....it is far too personal a thing to go through when someone you love is dying. I am sure that when you go to see her she knows your there and feels your love........

I had a friend who past just 2 weeks ago. She's been so ill for so long, just hanging on. I am 100% positive she waited to pass til her young children got settled in their new home and the school year ended.

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

I'm so sorry that you're having to go through all of this, and you do need to be able to get your feelings out in the open and talk about it. As for the DNR, i am really in favor of it when you know that someone's quality of life won't be good. As far as making yourself one, it's really not called that, in a person not in the hospital you call it a living will. They are usually very specific. I'm going to have one made up when I get a little older, and for right now my family knows how I feel about things. I think that there are things that are worse than death, and there's a point when everyone has to let go and tell the doctors you don't want the person to suffer anymore.
I hope that everything turns out for the best with your grandmother, and that it's not too hard on your mother.

__________________
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Sorry to hear that about your grandmother. It's an incredably difficult situation. I was lucky, my grandfather died quickly in his sleep. That's how I want to go. So, yes, I want a DNR.
That being said, I can certainly sympathize with people who want to fight for every last precious moment.
If I can get up on the soapbox for a minute, this is why I have such a problem with people who say that letting a terminally ill person die is "playing God". We started playing God when they were treated, put in the ventilator, did any of the countless medical procedures to extend their life. Don't tell me about playing God. Tell me that you love that person, and that you want to get as much possible time with them, that you're willing to hope against hope for recovery. That's why you're fighting for them.

Sorry. Off soapbox, end of rant.

__________________
“Sometimes I think we're alone. Sometimes I think we're not. In either case, the thought is staggering.” - Buckminster Fuller

"A man talking sense to himself is no madder than a man talking nonsense not to himself." - Guildenstern, “Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead”

Thank you guys so much for all of your words, it really helps.

Lonely Army Wife- I understand what you are saying about retaining fluids... the last couple days she has been doing the same and she doesn't remember me at all. I think she knows my mom, or at least she knows that it is the same lady that comes everyday at least twice. I don't know for sure. Why does retaining fluids hurt your mind???

As for when people let go, I agree they wait to make sure certain things are ok before they go. My cousin is getting married in October, and my sister in June. I have to wonder if this is why she is hanging on. Her grandkids are her life. She use to sing this song to the Channel 7 news song intro thingy, it was hilarious, she always made up songs and had so much fun.

She always wanted to see me get a boyfriend... engaged... and married... She was/is the only person in my family that thinks it will happen actually, and she never forgot to ask about my relationships with boys. Don't get me wrong it was annoying to have her grab my hand and look for a ring, but it was also endearing. She would always say, "Don't worry he'll come along... Just you wait... You'll see" I always told her it diddn't matter and that was my last concern, I was usually pretty rude about doing this, which I kind of regret. I have yet to ever bring a boy for her to meet, not that it's a big deal, it's just something that crosses my mind. I wonder how disappointed she is.

__________________
~Kaelynn~

Some days life can be shitty , some days life can be outstanding ;
Sometimes you find love , sometimes you find fun ;

Just remember through all these changes you are you, special and unique...

Just a reminder to those who are like me and need it...

Congestive heart failure like my grandma had affects ont only your heart, but several other organs as well - kidney's being one of them. When a person's kidney's don't work, they can't pee. If they can't get all that fluid out, it builds up and builds up until the toxins in the urine start to poison the body. the patient will get disoriented, dizzy, and sleepy. My grandma at her worst reminded me alot of a drunk. (this same process happens when you drink alcohol and get drunk- only difference is that those are manufactured toxins, and we're talking about a self made toxin and you can metabolize alcohol to get rid of them, assuminmg you're healthy.)

any nurses want to chime in and clear that up a little?

Kaelynn, I missed your call last night and I'm sorry I could really tell by your message you wanted to talk and I'm really sorry I wasn't there.

I want you to know, that even though you don't have the physical body of your friends at school to comfort you. You will always have the emotional support of your friends her at pixies.

Also, please listen to what others have said. There's nothing wrong with not being there for your grandma as much as your mom wants to be there. The memories you have of your grandma, that you love so much, hold on to those and remember them. You don't need to see her go through this.

As I've said all along, I really hope that everything works out for the best. I too am beginning to wonder why he, she, it, whatever hasn't taken her. Hopefully she'll be able to rest soon. I luv ya girl and don't you dare forget me and all these loving pixies are gonna be with you every step of the way. :jump:

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

I lost my grandfather a short while ago. He was terminal with liver cancer and passed at home, in his sleep. It was very difficult for me to visit him after learning of his illness. He knew the family dynamics would change, and kept the news private until less than a month before he passed on. I can see his logic. He didn't want everyone hanging around the house being sad about what was eventually going to happen. And honestly...there's never enough time to say goodbye.

Thankfully, I've never been exposed to a loved one being kept alive by means of life support. I've given Mrs. WI legal authority to make medical decisions for me should I not be able to, but like Lil...I fear the state might overule my own wishes, trying to act "in my best interest". My choice to not be kept alive via artificial means does not stem from strong religious convictions, though I am a church going Catholic. I don't want those left behind to suffer.

I'm sorry for your pain.

Well I was just told today that she has days to live, kinda what I had been expecting, it tore my mom and uncle up. I feel/felt like I was prepared... but still have random tears. I don't want to go to the hospital and watch her die, I just don't want to. I am trying to leave for the weekend cause I am getting really frustrated with my mother. I just don't feel like she is listening to me and dismisses what I say to her, and I just need to leave and deal with this on my own. I will be at the viewing and the funeral, but I will not be here when she dies, well I hope I am not, I don't want to see her sick any longer. I am sick of my mom making me stand by her and talk to her, there is nothing to say, I don't want to say she can leave, cause I don't want her to think that I don't want her here. I don't want to tell her to fight, cause I don't want her to have a horrible quality of life. I just know that when I think of her and talk to her through my head much like prayer she hears me. My mother doesn't understand that, but my grandma and I were always close, and we didn't need words to talk all the time.

I love my grandma dearly, and I am happy she will soon be relieved from pain. I just wish I was back at school to have my friends suround me, cyber hugs are great don't get me wrong... but damn do I need a real one now... and my family isn't the hugging type... thus another reason why I never want to be around them, yet another difference I have with all of them.

__________________
~Kaelynn~

Some days life can be shitty , some days life can be outstanding ;
Sometimes you find love , sometimes you find fun ;

Just remember through all these changes you are you, special and unique...

Just a reminder to those who are like me and need it...