or maybe not...


We, at one time, were considered a forum that was very accepting of newbies unlike some sites where newbies experience a trial by fire just to speak their minds. Members who had bad attitudes usually didn't hang around, not because we ran them off but because they usually didn't get the attention they wanted. Recently we had a situation where some people felt a fairly new member was being flamed and some did not. Now I've noticed that a post in personals has turned into an opportunity to scold someone for their attitude based on their first post...in my personal opinion...it's easier to just not respond if you are not interested, especially in personals. When the next new member goes to post there to introduce themselves, and they see that, what is the chance they will post without hesitation?

My goal is to always be bringing fresh life to this site...I consider every new member someone who can potentially be a fun active part of this site. While many of them never post a word, I surely don't want our reaction to other members to hinder the chance they will do so. And is why we have never permitted flaming.


The idea here has always been as an inclusive not exclusive group. Some people have expressed in some recent posts that they felt "left out" or that they just never feel like they are part of te group. While I realize that some people never really feel they belong (to anything), I've been wondering what can be done to make newer and even less vocal members feel as "at home" as many of te rest of us do??? How can I make people feel less like a newbie when I don't view them as a newbie anymore???

Anyway, I just wanted you guys to know that this is something that is concerning me. While I've been to sites that really flame people and where flame wars are the common posting rather than the rarity, and we are nothing like those places, I don't like the idea of slowly developing into that sort of place.

I think it's important to be able to express ourselves freely here but that rule has to apply to everyone. We take everything here really personally because we all care so deeply for eachother and that's never a bad thing unless it turns us into a forum where everyone feels the need to have their 2 cents without thinking about how their posts affects the group as a whole, as well as those about to sign up next. Newbies don't know that yet and we really can't expect them to, considering the status quo on many other sites differs from this one dramatically.

Some people feel that controversial or hot topics are taboo here. While that is not a rule, it seems to stem from the fact that often people are unable to express their own view without putting down someone else's. It seems to turn people defensive and just hasn't been successful here often. Feelings get hurt and there are definitely people who can't support their own feelings in any other way than to degrade someone else's. While debate is healthy, raging emotions and confrontational attitudes, are not and it's hard to have one without the other creeping in. But that doesn't mean that if you really want to talk about something, that you shouldn't. It just means be prepared for it to get warm.

I suppose I am just thinking outloud here, and it's probably a mistake before coffee has started working but I just want you to know that I consider the growth of this site crucial to it's existence and that I spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to make that happen.

If you have views on how I can assist both long-time members and newbies to get the most out of this forum, I'd appreciate hearing them.

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

I have been around pixies for a couple of years now. Though most people are tried to be made to feel at home, there are always some people you just can't get along with. I don't post much any more, but I felt this one deserved a response. I have been here under some other names, I made a new one to become anonymous. There is, of course, a group of people on pixies that are better friends than others. That is because more time is spent in chat among that group. That doesn't mean anyone is being left out. That just means they have to jump into chat and get with it. I don't feel that anyone should be offended by the pixie-elite group just because they know all about the site and have been online (and in some cases offline) friends for a long time. I do agree that "flaming" someone is, indeed, very wrong. I have been to a few places where I was burned because I was a newbie. Give people a chance to learn the site, learn the programming, then maybe they can get to the point where everyone else is. I know there is a tech support forum here, but maybe there should be a Newbie Instruction Guide too. That would save everyone some trouble (not to mention maybe I could figure out how to get to chat now since I've been kinda out of the loop for a while).

I think your musings before coffee has set in are right on target Lil ..

This has been something that I have been thinking about too. As a member that has been here a while, and I am only speaking for myself, I have a comfort level as far as what and how I post. Other members who have been here a while know my style and how I word things. I think that sometimes I forget that not everyone will understand or even take the "tone" of my posts in the way that I intended to be - especially newbies.

I have, in the past, been vocal about my beliefs. The responses that I received from other members are ones of - ok, I understand that you feel that way - but that isn't how I feel. However, I respect your opinion. That doesn't make you wrong or right. I think that attitude is why we don't have a lot of flaming - especially with the members who have been here a while. And I know that I don't always think about how my post is going to be received because of that.

When I was a newbie (couple of years ago), I made the effort to join the group. I initiated conversations and didn't wait for someone to hold my hand and invite me. I read, read, and read some more to gauge the tone of the people who were participating and patterned what I did after those older members. That, I believe was my responsibility as a newbie. I also recognized that this place had a certain comfort level for all members and didn't make demands to be noticed by posting or creating threads that I didn't think out better.

Those newbies who introduce themselves are welcomed warmly with hopes that they join in by posting and being told by other members that this is a cool place to be. They are encouraged to take a look around and get to know us. I think that is just one thing we can do as older members to make newbies feel welcome. It was their choice to join the site, and it is their responsibiltiy to "gauge the tone" of the people and the place. As older members we can also be more tolerant of newbies too - especially when they first start posting. Many newbies really don't know that this is an international forum and don't understand that some terms or references can be viewed differently by people from different countries. That takes some getting used to ... LOL

Typically, my rule of thumb is to read a thread or post, and if it is in tone that I don't agree with I don't usually respond. However, sometimes I feel the need to put in my 2 cents and I do worry sometimes whether or not it is appropriate and ask for an opion from a mod.... just as you know Lilith... But I do reserve the right to state what I believe - and I do that because of how the majority of members feel here - you have the right to your opinion - that doesn't make it right or wrong and I appreciate that you do have an opinion even if I don't agree with it.

If people feel as if they don't belong I personally can't do more than what I do already. I don't feel like I should change the way I am and bend over backwards for someone who doesn't try to mode what they post after the tone of our home.

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

Good thread Lilith and I really agree with what Cheyanne said here. I know when I came here I read much more then I posted so I could get to know the members. Since I wanted to be a part of the Pixie family it was mostly up to me to get to know everyone and let them know me.

Now I love a good debate and since I am a conservative I know that my opinions could often be objected to. I don't feel I have to go shoving my beliefs at people that don't share them. But when I do say something outside of what most people think I don't expect to be flamed. Like Lil I have been on boards where flaming is the norm. The first time I did a post that disagreed with the majority I was nervous. I didn't want to be flamed and not liked. But through that post I met a wonderful friend and we don't let our difference get in the way because we respect each others rights to have our own opinions and beliefs. Everyone I believe should find some common ground and make the effort to get along.

I do also think the ones that are part of this board and feel comfortable should make an effort to embrace a newbie. Which I think most of us do. I have been on many message boards and Pixies has the best sense of family I have seen yet. Not to mention the best moderators which is vital to the well being of any board.

__________________
Just when the caterpiller thought the world was over, it became a butterfly!

Owning Pita, by my JassWolf!!
My Story~ Friday Night Spanking

Yo Lil. Now we all know how my little start went down. I just want to put my view across as to a suggestion on perhaps how to allow a newbie to come in "clean" (so to speak).

Now ok granted my entrance wasn't the most gracefull but we live and learn.
As a introduction into joining, a "code of conduct" page/popup should come up and must be read by the newbie before walking in the door. Showing what will be tollerated and what won't be. More importantly if they need any further help they should be steered towards a mod.

Also perhaps a newbie camp should also be put in place. Where the newbies can have a platform to go from. So they can all "meet" chat and such and such. This platform will also enable them to develop the correct skills/conduct etc for the rest of the site. Also if they have any concerns or they wish to say something but are not sure if it will go down the right way with the rest of the community. Now obviously a mod would be required to watch over the group until such time the mod feels that they have sufficient exposure to venture out on their own.

I know it sounds as if you may be babying them, but it would only be used for those who really are struggling or are raising a few eyebrows.

Having already posted over 100 myself so far I have gotten the "groove" of the site now. Sure I will faulter a bit here and there, but I am past that initial start. So I am not sure if this has helped, but I do hope that it is taken in the correct context.

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My stories
An erotic story
The instructor and student
Secretary learns how to take a dicktation
The story of sister stephanie

I've put out more "Welcum to Pixies" than I dare to count! I've replied to introduction threads with enthusiasm and warmth. I enjoy meeting new Pixies and I let them know I am glad that they have posted. I've tried to steer them in the right direction when it comes to "getting to know us".

I've only ever come across a newbie that rubs me the wrong way a handful of times. Hey! We can't love everyone all of the time! And when I get a vibe from someone that doesn't sit right with me, I try to get to the bottom of it. On a few occasions I have said some (IMHO) "diplomatic" things directly in a thread...that could be construed as flaming. In all honesty, if the poster comes off as cocky and a know-it-all...I've tried to "set the record straight" about how we handle things around here. I can count on one hand, how many times I have jumped to the defense of the site and raised a rash of shit over the audacity of a newbie! I think that some people just love showing off their self imposed intelligence or wit...which in some cases comes off as pushy and can be off putting. [We] don't take lightly to someone initiating a mutiny...just as we wouldn't let someone come into our R/L home and try and take over! You can't expect us to never "stick up" for our home away from home!!!!

I can only remember one past Pixie newbie who I could NOT warm up to...or at the very least...not want to kick his ass if we'd ever met in person...lmfao!

You are a people pleaser Lil...and so I can understand your discomfort if it seems someone isn't being treated with kid gloves upon notification that he/she is overwhelming us with their visible pomposity (<---Steph...I used it again...lol!...sorry...inside joke!). We can't possibly be expected to overlook a newbie who is in his/her own bizzaro world! I've even read some posts from you Lil...putting someone "in check" directly in an open forum thread! We have our limits. We are only human. And, most newbies who come here, can see the type of site we are. They can see that this site is so totally different than the others...they can see the love shared amoungst the family of people who make up Pixies.

Those who stay and participate (or even just lurk) are assured that not all who come here are perfect candidates for the "People's Choice Awards"...but that it's the differences that make it so interesting to come back to time and time again! Our "Welcum Mat" is dusted daily...and mostly all of the regulars reach out and extend that personality that is the make-up of the Pixies persona! Everywhere you look in these forums...there is something to smile about. And if a newbie doesn't take the time to look around, even after direction, then I can't say I/we didn't try hard enough!

One bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch...just as one bad post doesn't deter new faces to peek in and/or join in from time to time. We can lead a newbie to perving...but we can't make em stay if they don't want to!

I don't know that there is anything else I, or [we], can do that we haven't been doing through the years! But, if you want...I'll jump the bones of ALL the new male...oh hell, even the females if they'll have me...newbies for a month of Sunday's. Just to show them the ropes...of course

((((((Lilith))))))

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

Thanks for the feedback everyone...just trying to sort some things out. Trust me, I am not a people pleaser at all but I have a job to do and part of that is to try to make everyone happy, comfortable, and at home. I appreciate everyone taking the time to sort of analyze this situation too. I too have been amazed at the small number of problems we have had. Thanks again for the feedback.

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

We do have a guidebut I can't force peeps to read it

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

Lil, your last post hits upon most of my thoughts while reading this. You can have rules, guides, instructions, a detailed map of how Pixies operates, but there is nothing to force anyone to read it. C'mon how often does everyone read through a "user agreement" before clicking the check box at the bottom? Maybe everyone is more attentive than I am, but I surely don't consistently take the time to read all guidelines on a website.

As someone who has recently said that I often still feel like a newbie, I don't think that is anything that can be changed by the mod team or membership. I've been around for a year, not posted a ton, but pop in daily and read through the threads. Often I don't voice a comment to each thread I read for a multitude of reasons. The fact that I have a bit of a newbie feel doesn't make me feel uncomfortable, afterall, as I said, I pop in daily to read the threads, if I was uncomfortable I wouldn't return. Part of the beauty of humanity is that we are all different. I would encourage newbies to be reasonable - while this may be an escape from reality, it isn't so far removed from reality to not have a human touch. As such, human touch that is felt face to face is likely to be the same here. I don't expect to become instamatic soulmates with the person I brush shoulders with at WalMart, so it's unrealistic for me to expect that here. Unfortunately, as there is beauty in difference, some difference isn't so beautiful as some people simply have unrealistic expectations. And as Lixy said, everyone can't embrace everyone all the time.

Honestly, I really don't think there is anything additional that can be done to be a more embracing forum for newbies. I presume, that when someone is a bit out of touch, someone takes the opportunity to PM that person and try to give them guidance, but it is up to the individual to accept the guidance being offered.

In summary, I feel everyone does their best to create an open and welcoming environment, but there is no point in trying to please 100% of the people 100% of the time. If nothing else, maybe this thread serves as an effective reminder of what Pixies is all about and can cause reflection upon our behaviors and individual changes put into place where necessary.

you are doing just fine lilith as far as i acn tell you and the others have been nothing but helpful and loving with me and if i haven't said so B4, then i will now THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH FOR INCLUDING ME IN THIS FAMILY
peeks around corner.......

you can jump my bones lixy, >tries to look shy and newbie-ish enough<
"if you'll have me, that is".

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~There is nothing you can do, that can't be done~

"ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE"

hope i'm not out of line .........

__________________
~There is nothing you can do, that can't be done~

"ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE"

LOL If Lixy is volunteering to be the ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm welcome wagon....most of the people registered here are gonne re-register and start off new

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

/me pounces bg1's bones and hugs her tightly! You're not out of line at all sweety! I hope you'll always feel free to post such complimentary posts! geezzzzzz...I'm blushing at just how sweet this response made me feel! TY hun!

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

Now that's the spirit! Let's get some "bone jumpin" going on!

We got this party started...right?

forms at my left...and right...and back...and front! *giggle*

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

long as i'm at the front of the line i don't care who else joins ~~giggles and huggles lixy back, hmmmm nice ass....~~ *giggles and fondles ass*~~ :devilish:

__________________
~There is nothing you can do, that can't be done~

"ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE"