I'm embarassed to say that I'm in my early 30's and have only started to come into my own sexually. It used to be I could take it or leave it, now I crave it. Unfortunately my S/O doesn't and I'm not comfortable with my new found sexuality yet to be the take charge woman I long to be. I have talked to him about it and he says he's interested, but then there's always an excuse when it comes time to play so we go weeks without it. I've read many posts about people being in my situation where it's the change in partner that allows them to grow sexually, but since that's not an option for me I'm hoping someone out there can share a story of how they spiced things up with their current partner. There are times I just want to jump on my man and go at it, but that would really put him off and there's nothing worse than putting yourself on the line and getting denied. You feel so stupid! Same goes for just little things like touching myself in front of him, I'm just not comfortable and I don't know how to get more comfortable with that. It's pretty pathetic to think that I would be more comfortable being the sex craved maniac I feel like sometimes with a total stranger then with my soul mate, but that's the reality. I guess it's because I don't care what the stranger would think of me after I seduced him. Any real advice woud be great . Thanks.

((((Curious gal)))))

I totally feel for you, in this situation, and I'm also really pleased that you're becoming a more sexual person. Yay for you!

I really know where you're coming from as I've been in similar situations myself.

Your situation bears out previous posts of mine in which I've made the point that if sex isn't great for one of you, it probably isn't great for the other either.

Evidently the sex you two have been having has not been fantastic, to the point where you both felt you could take it or leave it. From your own personal self exploration (probably both emotionally and physically) you have become a more sexual person, but you now have the challenge of turning your s/o into one too.

Most men do have a healthy appetite and interest in sex, however they often find it hard to share that with a partner, particularly if they feel a little inhibited about what their partner will find acceptable behaviour in the bedroom. I imagine that in this situation a man can find it hard to get enthusiastic about sex, when it's not the kind of sex they really fantasize about. What I'm trying to say is that people tend to feed off each other with things like this.

What I think, and of course all of this is just my opnion, that you need to do, is let him know that not only do you want sex and plenty of it, you want a different KIND of sex than you've had before. He may be surprised at how much more enthusiastic he is with an enthusiastic partner, rather than one who seems to be able to take it or leave it.

The awkward thing is, he has to experience this new kind of sex with you, before he'll start to want it.....this is the tricky part. I can suggest a few things, but only you will know what works for you:

You've found this site, so how about you show him some of the stories etc on here. I defy anyone not to get turned on by the better stories here, so at the very least it'll be a way to get you two horny and ready for sex. However, the ideal situation would be for this to open up a dialogue between you, giving you an opportunity to share the things that turn you on, little by little. Once you know what are his big turn ons, seducing him will be a much less daunting and far easier task. Also, having the kind of sex that turns you both on will make sex far more exciting and will increase both your enthusiasm and confidence sexually.

Other things you could do would be suggest buying a modest looking vibrator for you both to experiment with, watching porn together, or if you aren't that brave then maybe just some new sexy undies.

I know it's difficult, I know it's still going to take guts, but I KNOW he'll thank you for it. Good luck and keep us posted.

x

__________________
"Time flies like an arrow -
Fruit flies like a banana"

M Y - N A U G H T Y - P I C T U R E S ! !

well why don't you ask your S/O to be a stranger for a night. Meet somewhere act like you want try to pick him up, show him how sexy you want to be. Maybe tease him by flirting with someone else let him know what he could miss . Bet he cums along just fine and maybe he'll feel open to discussing his fantasies too

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Happiness is not a destination, but a journey, the bumps and chuckholes are just part of the trip!

Personally... I think your best bet here is to start to introduce the things YOU want to do slowly into your normal "routine". If you two do the obligatory friday night "hit-it-and-quit-it" or what not, just bang yourself (or what you feel like that night) before you start the deed. Soon enough he'll say, "why don't you do that thing you did the other night?" (or something to that effect).

I've talked to many people in the exact same situation as yours. They used to be mostly men, but more an more women are finding themselves in this situation.

I blame society for the most part, regarding these situations. Because of upbringing, taboos, and that rut we can all fall into during our day to day lives. But there is also the mental factor. Some people, especially men get scared when their wives or SO changes from the routine that has been long established. They can be afraid that they can't meet the expectations of their partner.

So if you are serious about turning things around, plan on devoting yourself to a long term plan. Slowly bring about small changes to your sexual relationship over a long period of time, giving your SO time to adjust to them. The shock factor will be limited, and it will make him more acceptable to the changes. Remember, its only kinky the first time. ha ha.

Make specific plans to compensate and overcome the excuses. Sexual adventures on days off so he's not tired. A night in a hotel, where there are no distractions. Wear a sexy dress out to dinner, and halfway through, tell him you have nothing on under it, just for him. It will let his imagination run wild for a little while. Put a pair of your underware in his breafcase, or coat pocket. It will get his mind moving in the right direction before he gets home. Every day, comment on his cute ass, and give it a little pat or pinch. Make a habit of getting out of the shower, and dressing in front of him. Bring a bunch of grapes to bed, and eat them while laying nude on top of the covers, offering him some too, one at a time.

None of these necessarily will have to lead to sex, but it will keep the idea at the forefront of his mind, and thats where you want it.

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Dreams are only realities you haven't "Let" come true !

The most important thing is communication,between you two!Unless your SO,finds an act,completely repulsive,to them,I would
think that it would turn them on,knowing that it satisfyed you.
Knowing that you turn your mate on still,is satisfying to anyone.
You shouldn't be embarrased,about anything,if you have done
things,in front of each other,for a long time.My wife & I,have been
married for 37yrs,& always communicate! Irish

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Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

Curious Gal-
Thanks alot for your post. I acutally have a QUESTION for you rather than being able to provide help.

Please tell me what the most important thing (s) that lead to your new found sexually appreciation.

Thanks and good luck!!1

Excellent comments loulabelle. It's funny to read this today because last night I took matters into my own hands and let loose a bit by giving him a blow job - a rarity. I love to do it, I just always feel uncomfortable. Well we had a great time and now like you said I'm hoping it'll make him crave the next time. We'll see what happens, but in any case during those times of the month when I'm really in the mood I'm not going to hold back. With any luck I won't get shot down so much that I get discouraged or have an unwilling partner which doesn't do much for making me feel sexy. Luckily we do watch porn together so that helps. He seems to need it, probably because he's not having the sort of sex he wants. Looking foward to changing that.

To Jjack1350 - My new appreciate for sex was brought on by hormones I guess. The older I got the more interested I was and the more days I had where my desire for sex was over the top, not to be ignored. Age also allowed me to accept that it's OK for me to want and fully enjoy sex - just to be sexual in general. Why do you ask?

That would be so much fun!!!!

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~Tainted Love~