Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.
I soon noticed that the new program began an
unexpected child processing that took up a lot of
space and valuable resources. No mention of this was
included with the product information. In addition,
Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and
now launches during system initialization, where it
monitors all other system activity. Applications such
as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5 .0, Hunting and
Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing
the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep
Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my
favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back
to Girlfriend 7.0, but I do not know how to uninstall
Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Thanks, A Troubled User.



REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.
It is due to a great misconception. Many people
upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that
it is merely a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its
Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return
to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating system files will
cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing
will be gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete,
or purge the program files from the system once
installed. Also, you cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0
because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this.

Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but ended
up with more problems than with the original system.
Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under
"Warnings-Alimony/Child Support." I recommend that you
keep Wife
1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest
installing the background application "YESDEAR" to
alleviate software hang-ups. Having installed Wife 1.0
myself, I also suggest that you read the entire
section regarding 'General Partnership Faults'!
(GPFs.)

Your Wife 1.0 does a scan for GPFs during its monthly
program maintenance scan (PMS). You must assume joint
responsibility for any faults and problems that occur,
regardless of their cause. You will find that GPFs are
cyclical. The best course of action is to enter the
command C:\APOLOGIZE.

Avoid excessive use of C:\YESDEAR because ultimately
you will have to give the C:\APOLOGIZE command before
the system will return to normal anyway. Remember, the
system will run smoothly as long as you share the
blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but
it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as
Clean and
Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0),
and Do Bills 4.2.
You must, however, be very careful how you use these
programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch
the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only
way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to
purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1
and Diamonds 5.0, should this happen.

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install
Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is
not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

__________________
Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

This was just e-mailed to me,by a (former)pixies member,that I
still keep in touch with.I thought that everyone,wold get a "kick"
out of it! Irish

__________________
Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

LMAO - I like that!

__________________
"Time flies like an arrow -
Fruit flies like a banana"

M Y - N A U G H T Y - P I C T U R E S ! !

Irish,

I KNEW there was a technical basis for PMS!!!!!!!

__________________
Eudaimonia

Very funny!

ty Irish.

That's too funny! I'm gonna pass that around the office today.
I think our IT guy will definitely get a kick out of it.

__________________
I'm fuckin outta here! 4/5/04

Beautiful, I'm dying over here. One more thing to save to the funny folder.

__________________
"...I won't be your winter...and I won't be anyones excuse to cry."

"Even heroes have the right to bleed."

"I'm wakin up at the start of the end of the world

Now that's FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!

__________________
" I'm not a PERV....I'm not,I'm not,I'm not!! Who the hell am I trying to kid!!! Yes I am "

I have a mate who's just got married - I think I'll have to forward this to him LOL

__________________
What is life?
If not an excuse for death,
and what is death,
if not an escape from life?

*smacks jseal upside the head!* LOL! JK hun! I know...I know....it had to be said, right?



Good one Irish! I had it sent to me a while back but it's still funny to reread!

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~