or in this case

Dear JohnBIG10incher

Cyber Breakup Letter



Dear [insert screen name here] (if that is your real name),

I regret to inform you that, under a plan for the periodic removal of unpleasantness from my life, I must terminate our online affair. This termination takes effect immediately, but only because I could not make it retroactive. Below, you will find the reasons for this action:

_____ While our cybersex sessions were, for the most part, competent, your constant use of "brb gotta pee" took some of the romance out of it.

_____ Your use of the term "the ol' cyber ball and chain" to refer to me has hurt my feelings.

_____ I've found another lover, one who knows the importance of punctuation.

_____ Certain errors during cyber sessions indicate that you were less than honest:

__ You typed: "I remove my bra" when you claimed to be a man.

__ You typed: "I enter you" when you claimed to be a woman.

__ You typed your own name at the end.

__ Your supposedly original scenario, it turns out, is simply page 56 of a Jackie Collins novel.

__ Your repeated references to animals suggest that you are hiding something from me.

__ Your refusal to cyber until I submitted a recent AIDS test suggests a degree of paranoia that is, simply put, unhealthy.

__ I finally opened the file with your __ gif __ jpg __ police record.

__ I have no choice but to comply with the court orders unless I wish to face stalking charges.

__ Mommie says I need to spend less time on the computer.

__ Your mommie called me and yelled at me because of all the time you're spending on the computer.

__ I have established a more personal relationship with the Lord, and I would like to talk to you in great detail about what you can do to ensure a place in Heaven when the endtimes come. They are closer than you think.

___ The fact that you BCC all your love letters to me leaves me feeling less than special. As in cyber cheating.

___ I finally read your profile, and the fact that you are only 14 violates the terms of my parole.

___ I am entering the witness protection program.
Please understand, __ [screen name] and/or __ you misbegotten son of a bitch __ sir/madam __ mom/dad [for use in West Virginia], that there is nothing personal in this. We've simply grown apart.

Any additional correspondence you may direct to my attorney,

__ Sincerely,

__ Gleefully,

__ I have to go before the warden calls "lights out,"

__ Uh oh, my Real Life mate is coming up the stairs,

__ Good riddance,



[Name or alias]

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

LMFAO.

__________________


"Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, then let it, and if you have to wait for what you really want, take the time because nobody said that life would be easy. They just promised it would be worth it." ~ Unknown author

ROFLMAO

__________________
What is life?
If not an excuse for death,
and what is death,
if not an escape from life?

ROFLMAO - good one lilith.

__________________
What is life?
If not an excuse for death,
and what is death,
if not an escape from life?

Where did you get that Lilith? Did I accidentally send the whole thing to Steph?

Just check off No.9 and 18 and send it back to her.

__________________

OMG...must use this. Thank You!!!

__________________
Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

__________________

PMSL omg this is to funny ! my sides hurt now

~nikki~

__________________
Ravage Me!

Me Time
Long Lonley Night
Tied Up
Teased

http://thesmashedfairy.blogspot.com/

Oh this is great! LOL! Make it a "sticky" Lil! I don't wanna lose track of this!

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

why did i get 10 pm's with direct quotes from this!!!

__________________
Some stories:

My Birthday

Squirming in the dark

OOOOOOKay.

__________________

i guess i shoulda added a j/k at the end of the post.

__________________
Some stories:

My Birthday

Squirming in the dark

lol

__________________

You'll be hearing from my cyber lawyers, PF.

Lil,

You promised on pain of PF's scrotum that you would never ever

publish that.

I find it horrible that you should mock my need of a bra at 14,

my 7" clitoris and that Jackie stole a slice of my life.

I'm going to the Facility's petting zoo to spend quality time with

my real friends.

__________________
Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating