He said . . . She said!

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped
out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would
think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
_______________________

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea...you stand by the ironing board while
I sit on the sofa and fart.
_____________________

He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave
you?
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

----------------------------
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Texas."

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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary.
On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because
they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a
very special wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh!
Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger........
Whoosh....immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!

***

Steph ... those are cute. But you're hitting awfully close to home with that last one ... LOL.

LOLOL I swear I just cut and pasted from a friend!

I did think of you right away (except for the last part)

I'm reminded of that book title a couple of years ago (anyone remember the author?)

If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead yet?

Cute Steph, thanks. Here another offering in that same vein:

AN elderly couple acheiving 50 years of wedded bliss is approached by the eldest sibling about their health habits. It seems neither of the happy pair had even seen a Dr in 30 years. He explained as a part of his present to them he'd arranged for physicals for the both and would be happy to take them to their appointment. Upon arrival at the physician's office the woman was called back immediately as the hubby waited with the concerned son. Finally the lady comes out and the elderly gentleman is summoned. The Dr,as he's finishing his exam proclaims.. "I'm so impressed! You are both in such great health. The only thing I've been able to find is your slight loss of hearing. Geeez, I bet you two even still have intercourse." The old guy looks up towards the Dr and asks him to repeat that last part. Nervously the Dr says "I bet you even still have intercourse" Slowly the old guy gets up and ambles to the lobby door and opens it. He leans out to find his better half " Helen, Doc says do we got intercourse?" "Herbert damnit I told you 100 times we got Blue Cross Blue Shield!"

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As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will. He will be sure to repent - Socrates

Love is not looking in each other's eyes, but looking together in the same direction - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

LMFAO! Thanks for the giggles kids!

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~