I've been really reluctant to share this...but I feel it's time I did, if only to get it off my chest (so to speak).

I last heard from my brother in March of 1996. We had quite an argument and I was never going to talk to him again (for as long as I felt like not talking to him). He was living with my dad and he got a check from a lawsuit he had settled and he took off to who knows where. It was a lot of money but it wasn't rightfully his. He owed back child support and it was to go to that. It never did. Dad recieved some bank statements and cancelled checks. Brother bought a truck and was on the move to who knows where. The statements stopped and brother never called or came home. The family assumed he went to Colorado, as he had gone there before. This wasn't the first time he just took off to places unknown. But he always came "home" in time. Dad died in 1997 and we were livid that brother didn't show up for the funeral. Years passed and still no word.

Two years ago, my older sister and I filed a nation-wide missing persons report. There were some hits at first....of John Doe's....but it never turned out to be brother. After a while it went dormant.

Now before you start thinking, Geezzzzzzz...why'd they wait so long to file?........I have to tell you, he was married but seperated at the time and had "his own life" to live. As I said before, he had done this MIA stuff many times, just never this long. We were reluctant to believe that something had happened to him. Brother is 4 years older than me and very stubborn and egotistical (self centered). I say that because I know him best and I can say that without talking behind his back. That's what the argument we had was about.

Now we know why he didn't come to say goodbye to dad. A few weeks ago we got word that he had been identified. A body was found in a schoolyard in May of 1996. No identification was found on the body and only a lighter (from a store exclusive to a town he had lived in prior to moving to dad's) was found in a back pocket. In 96, the authorities in San Mateo, Ca. (where the body was found) placed a notice in a paper in the county which that store was located. It was a small article and very vague. No one we know ever saw it or (if they did) thought to think it was my brother. Recently, the administration changed in San Mateo, and they were trying to clear up unidentified cases. The new administration placed the article in the same paper again. The authorities where we placed the report caught the article and my brother was identified though the missing person's report filed two years ago.

It's a much, much longer story than this.....but this is the basic gist.

Saturday....April 26, 2003......we will hold a memorial for my brother. He was 42 at the time of his death. His children and grandchildren will be attending the service. He never knew he was a grandfather. I've been agonizing over his eulogy....which I insisted that I deliver.

I think, what I'm asking here......is not pity for me or my family.......but strength from my "surrogate" family! Please keep Saturday.....April 26th in your thoughts and send me some strength to be able to deliver the best eulogy I can muster! I just need strength to get through this!

TY for listening.........*hugs you all*

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

((((Lixy))))
I am so sad for you. It is horrible to have to morn for what will never be. Please know that I'm sending you thoughts of peace, healing, and strength. You will do a great eulogy because you are an honest, forthright, loving, person. If ya need to talk at all pm.~ Lil

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

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Lixxy Dear...........Lilith said it better than I can. Just know that my thoughts and prayers are and will be with you. I can't possibly know what you're going through since I never had any siblings, but I'm sure you'll get through everything with the support of both your 'real' and your Pixie's families. Love and many, many hugs to you, hun. :heart:

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"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety" Benjamin Franklin
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Lixy, My thoughts and prayers are with you! and i whole heartedly agree with Lilith, you are a very caring honest person, and i know you will put your all into your words, and that they will be from your heart. Peace and Love be with you!

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Life's A Bitch, but I Deal withit!!

TY Lil, SS, and horseman! I knew I could count on you. This is exactly what I needed. I'm just so sorry to hit you with it first thing this morning but...I had to share!

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

(((Lixy))) Sending you hugs and my best wishes for the strength that you need to get through this, and I am sure you will give your brother the eulogy that he deserves.

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Though dreams can be deceiving, like faces are to hearts; they serve for sweet relieving when fantasy and reality lie too far apart.-Fiona Apple

(((lix))))

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Love...the slowest form of suicide.

The only way we could feel worse for you is to find you hadn’t disclosed that weight with people who care about you. We may only be cyber friends, but if we can’t lift the burden, we can serve to hold you up... if you let us.

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Oh Lixy I can think of no words to express how I feel......

I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers now and on the 26th. Take the strength and loving concern of all your Pixie friends with you and you will get through it.

*hugs* Teddy

My heart goes out to you, Lixy, and to your family. Please know that many thoughts and prayers of members here are and will continue to be sent your way in hopes of helping you get through this as best you can.

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Communication is the key.

(((Lixy))) Thoughts are with you

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*it's all Christine's fault

(((Lixy))) - I had to deliver my cousin's eulogy even though I was still "angry" that he had committed suicide. I went back to the times we were close, the times he wasn't drug addicted and selfish . . . think of the good times you shared. You're going to do an awesome job!

(((Lixy))) My Thoughts are with you. I dont post much but know that we will all be thinking of you and yours. And know that the right twords will come to you.

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Wont you take me by the hand
take me somewhere new
I dont know who you are
but I... I'm with you

*bunnys hugs* That is very sad. Strength for your mind and peace for your heart.

~babybunny~

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(((Lixy))) Our hearts, prayers, and thoughts are with you. Lilith said it spot on, you will do great because you have a great heart. I can only imagine what you and your family must be going through right now. Let the strength of your family here give you solid support for what you are to do the 26th.

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In memory of my friend skip...
Go then, there are other worlds than these