First off Hi as I am new. I need some advice on how to get past feeling like a dirty slut after doing new things with my bf. My ex husband told me I was a sexualy deviant person whenever I suggested something new. The first time I mentioned having anal sex he freaked! Now with my boyfriend we have been together almost 2 years and have just now started experimenting with anal sex and other things. I will say I really enjoy anal but afterwards my ex's words creep into my head and I feel nasty. Because of this I am very hesitant to suggest bringing a girl into the mix. My bf knows that I am attracted to girls and has seen me kiss girls when we go out. I also worry that seeing another girl touch him or vice versa I will freak and never feel the same for him. So how do I get over feeling dirty? Also any past experiences with 3 somes and trust afterwards?

Thanks

Greetings and welcome to our little part of the world (populated by “sexualy deviant” people)

I’m sure if you read-around here a bit you will find a lot of very healthy and sexy people have thought on your topic. We just recently (and many happy times before) had threads with a lot of honest input about you question.








(all a matter of prospective- sounds like your ex- was wrestling with problems in HIS mind)

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Hi Iggysgirl.. welcome

Only time is goning to make you realize that your ex's opinions aren't worth your time... that his opinion is not important and his close minded inability to grow with you is something that he will no doubt come to regret.

Share your concerns and your thoughts with your bf. Odds are, he is more accepting of your sexuality and most likely is thanking his lucky stars that he has found such a sexually adventorus woman to share his life.... communication is the key... be honest and open about your thoughts, desires, and no doubt he will be very interested in sharing all of his with you...

Good Luck.. and welcome

Hi and welcome and .... Yeah what Jenna said :-)

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As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will. He will be sure to repent - Socrates

Love is not looking in each other's eyes, but looking together in the same direction - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

Hi Iggysgirl welcome to Pixies hope you enjoy yourself. Your ex by doing that had control. Now that you're not his you can think and do for you. From what you say it sounds like you are very open minded and your bf is all so. Talk to him remove all doubt in yourself and lose your ex's close mind. If it pleases you go for it, and sometime it is good to be a dirty slut.

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I have great abs, some men have six packs I have a keg!

well Hi IggysGirl ice to meet you

Now your Ex sounds like a control freak and belittled you into thinking the say that you do..... now the hardest thing for you to do is reprogram yourself..

Keep telling yourself that "It doesn't matter what your Ex (Say His Name) Thinks, he isn't here to be a part of it so Begone (say his name again) I'm Right and he is Wrong."

I think you will find that it will work and you will start to feel better about yourself and your new relationship soon..

E

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Yea I'm Here, Let the Party Begin

Honestly, sometimes when I'm in bed with my guy I sometimes think, "My God, we're talking soooooooooo dirty!" I guess it's the Catholic school girl in me coming out. But, I know we love and trust each other and don't want to hurt each other.

You are your own person...in time you will relize that and when you learn to say " To hell with (insert ex's name), you don't have the right to tell me what I can or can not enjoy. Then you will be able to move on. You know what you like and what feels good, listen to yourself and go with it. In time it will get easier.

Oh yeah, welcome to pixies. You will meet alot of interesting people here. They also give great ideas and advice. You will also find you'll spend alot of time here.

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DAMN, YOU ARE A SEXY ONE-skipthisone

I beleive in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I beleive in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. Kevin Costner/Bull Duram

"Your body as well as mine has needs. This is juat a little foreplay to highten our desire for each other. If we play out the game of love to it's natural conclusion, you'll experience fulfillment. Give yourself up to me and I'll guide you along the path to pareadise. Together we will be like fire and ice, love and hate, life and death." Virginia Henley

WANTED: a moment when you kiss someone and eveything around you becomes hazy. And the only thing in focus is you and this person and you relize that he is the only person your suppose to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this amazing gift. You want to laugh and you want to cry. Cause you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared it will all go away at the same time.

The only way I know of to not feel like a "dirty slut" is to get yourself out of that box you have been put in. Nothing is worse than to be confined to a spot you are uncomfortable with. It sounds to me like losing the ex was the first step to stepping out of the box. Good for you! I too was made to feel ashamed of my sexual desires in a past relationship, and all that did was shroud me in inhibitions. Finding someone you can openly communicate with about everything just totally melts those inhibitions away. Allowing for fun and totally healthy exploration. My new motto is that anything goes sexually as long as its comfortable for me both physically and mentally. Gone are the negative thoughts concerning anything but traditional sex. Its amazing how good it feels to allow yourself the expression you desire, I can't think of anything better or more empowering. I wish you luck stepping out of that box and letting go of the negative thoughts.

Hi Iggysgirl. I think you have a problem. Now you've joined the rest of us dirty ole deviants, you're not deviant any more. Oh dear - what can you worry about now?

Just dive in and do it is my advice. No matter what you're in to, you will ALWAYS find some Pixies people to share it with.

My husband and I have discussed a 3-some with another woman.
We're ready to take the 3rd party plunge, but our problem is finding a person to join the mix. You can't just walk up to someone and say, "Hey, would you like to join my husband and I in 3-some ?" The question doesn't come up much in polite conversation. I'm fortunate that my husband is a sexually open person and is open to experimentation. It must be really difficult to get you ex out of your head. But, keep in mind, that this probably one the reasons he became an ex!!!!

You have the right to do whatever you feel comfortable doing,and
as long as you and your present s/o are happy, that's al l that matters.

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What is essential is invisible to the eye
Only with the heart can one see rightly.