WOMEN'S ADS

40-ish.........................49
Adventurer..................Slept with all your friends
Athletic......................No tits
Average looking..........Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful....................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile.......Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated...................Banged her Political Science professor once
Emotionally Secure....Medicated
Feminist....................Fat ballbuster
Free spirit.................Junkie
Friendship first..........Trying to live down slutty reputation
Fun..........................Annoying
Gentle......................Comatose
Good Listener...........Borderline Autistic
New-Age..................All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned............Lights out, missionary only, no BJs
Open-minded.............Desperate
Outgoing...................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate................Sloppy drunk
Poet..........................Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional...............Certified Bitch
Redhead....................Bad dye-job
Reubenesque.............Grossly Fat
Romantic...................Looks better by candle light
Social................ Has been passed around like an hors doeuvres tray
Voluptuous.................Very Fat
Weight proportional w/ height.......Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate..............Stalker
Widow......................Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart............Old bat
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i'm funnier looking

MEN'S ADS

40-ish..........................52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic..................... .Watches a lot of NASCAR
Average looking...........Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, &back
Educated....................Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit...................Banging your sister
Friendship first.............As long as friendship involves sex
Fun.............................Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking...............Arrogant
Very good looking........Dumb as a damned board
Honest........................Pathological Liar
Huggable.....................Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle.............Insecure mama's boy
Mature.........................Older than your father
Open-minded...............Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
Physically fit................Does a lot of 12-ounce curls
Poet............................Wrote ex-girlfriend's Tel # on a bathroom stall
Sensitive.....................Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive..............Gay
Spiritual......................Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable........................Arrested for stalking but not convicted
Thoughtful..................Says "Excuse me" only when he farts...

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i'm funnier looking

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good stuff DZ

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Love...the slowest form of suicide.

DZ---I,like everyone else,could add to a few,but they are ALL right
on. Irish

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Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

OMG Dz!!!!! ROFLMFAO!

*tears up her paper*

Now what?

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~