There has been no abuse for more then 6 months now am I safe, yet we are starting up with the where, have you been going, and with whom again...

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What do you mean at MY AGE?

Please, get away from this guy. I don't know you personal situation, but he is NOT GOOD.

Staying with him and putting up with his abuse (even if it hasn't happend in 6 months) only reinforces to him that his behavior is acceptable.

LEAVE HIM AS SOON AS YOU CAN!!!!
THE SOONER THE BETTER!!!

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"Even a man who is pure of heart
And says his prayers by night
Can become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms
And the moon is full and bright."

An ex G.Fs previous B.F had not abused her for months and then out of the blue he beat her up so badly he put her in hospital for 2 weeks,her own mother did not even reconise her.he got 9 mths jail but because he had spent years degrading and beating her he convinced her it was her fault so she spent $2000 paying for his appeal and got him out within 2 mths.after he got out he played mind games with her.because of him she turned into an alcholic.after about 6 mths she got rid of him for the last time,gave up the drink and had never been happier.she is now married to a guy who dotes on her ,has 3 kids and is the happiest she has ever been.So my advice is get rid of the fuckwit because he aint going to change.It wont be hard to find somebody better than the dropkick you are with.Iwould hate to see the same thing happen to you as happened too my ex G.F.,as it took her years to sort out her problems,{one of the reasons we broke up},.So dig down deep,find the courage and get rid of the low life.

Great post and great advice KIWI!

People who are abusive NEVER change. They will continue to play mind games with you until you think everything is your fault.

Get OUT while you can!

Remeber actions always speak louder then words and verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical violence.

Listen to the others!!!

He may still love you with all his heart, but a patterned

abuser is only capable of short term control.

For your sake, and perhaps ultimately his, get out of the

relationship.

And don't do , please, what a friend of mine did and went

straight to another abuser. She saw all the things that caused

her to fall for her husband in her next bloke without

understanding that they are the other side of the abuser coin.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

I am sorry to here about your situation, but I want you to know that you are not alone, Your signifigant other will probably hit again, even if he has just hit you once. I would like to recomend that you talk to a support group that is in your area. I am an advocate for what is called the Valley Trauma center, and we deal with people who are in a abusive relationship. You must remember that you don't deserve to get treated the way you are.
I would be happy to give you referrals if you want them.

P.S. The above is my wife writting

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The world is a wonderful book, one we should all learn from

Violence in a relationship is a no-no. No Excuses, no ifs no buts no maybes. Get rid of your loser. I think the Forum's verdict is clear.

I agree that violence is a big no no, however I think if here bf is truly trying to change and is willing to goto counselling [both private and couple] then she should give him a chance. Even if they go on a break for a while I think that the guy could use a chance. I am not saying he deserves one after hitting her, and by all means I think just staying with him reinforces his bad behavior. I do however think that it is best if he will agree to goto personal and couple counselling and she stays with him to support him through this time of trial. She needs counselling and support too and should probably go on a break with him for now, but I think that she should not break off contact with the guy or say we r through forever if he is willing to get help, because then he has no reason to get help and he will only stay the same and victomize another girl. This guy needs help and support and if he is willing to get help, I say stay and support him.

I know my ideas my be unpopular, but that's my two cents.

ClassyDJ

He has refused to go to couseling, for fear someone that he knows might see him there. I have been a few times, for un-answered questions, of why am I still here, why did i settle.
I'm at the stage now I have no car, no money and no way to get out. so I will have to save up and then hopefully things will not get to out of hand i can split. I am passrd the scared part, if i die tommorrow so be it, I have nothning left. Please don't think of me as you poor girl. Self-respect is gone, as you all have said, it's always my fault. I'm just sometimes worried when the hard liquior comes into the house, nothning yet. But he's getting stressed at work and as he says I'm not coming across. God, I sound like a who-is-me child... This time if he hits me it will be pay back time......I'll slip out in the night and walk if I have too.

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What do you mean at MY AGE?

Well all I can say is it's never your fault. You r just too caring and trusting and he was probably good at convincing you he was going to change. Now is all that matters, you know that he is an abuser and u know u need to move on. I hate doctor laura but im gonna quote her hear in thnat u know what the right thing is "now go do it".

ClassyDJ

There are any number of assistance groups, formal
and informal to help people like you. It sounds like there
no kids to complicate the issue. The name of the game is
to get out while you still can.

Self respect comes with acceptance of the total you,
good and bad. Don't let him rob you of this.

The fact you've approached the Forum on this says
he hasn't broken you, so please keep it that way.

Seek avenues, even if you don't use them immediately.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating