at 50 plus I'm still not over my step-fathers abuse, making it hard for me to get close to ANYONE even the wife I love. Could anyone give me some help. It has also left me bi.

I'm so sorry to hear this, seaker. I can only suggest counselling and perhaps seek out incest support groups on the 'net. I'm sure there are some Pixies out there that can give you advice.

thank you steph for replying, I know your right about councelling I just wondered if there were any other Pixies in the same boat.
If you are out there please contact me.

((((seaker)))),
I have a friend who sufferred from sexual abuse and the effects are so long lasting. Counseling makes a huge difference. You'd be surprised how much just talking about it removes the guilt and shame. As long as you allow the abuse to get in the way of you having the rich full life you deserve, your step-father is basically still fucking you. At least your mind. Make a decision now to stop it here and now, and seek profesional help.

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

seaker,

Lilith has the right of it. I was abused by my father (funny how it's usually the people we trust most isn't it?).

While I have not had counseling, I have tried to not dwell on it. It has not prevented me from getting close to my husband, but it has manifested in other ways. I have told him about it so he will understand my frailties and foibles.

Letting your wife know (if she doesn't already) would be a good first step. It demonstrates trust in her and your relationship with her and may go some way to helping you heal. Seek counseling as well, either solo or as a couple to help you get through this. You deserve to have a good life, and as Lilith said, as long as you allow the fact the abuse occurred (which cannot be changed) to stop you from being the person you can be you are still letting him control you.

You have to put it behind you one way or another..... you can't let him continue to interfere with you life. In the past, when counselling was not so common, people just had to manage. Although there were undoubtedly some severe casualties, I'm guessing that the majority of people in your situation just got by.

So - put it behind you. Tell yourself you would have been bi anyway, and try and get your wife to enjoy the opportunities that might bring her...

Above all, keep on trucking and enjoy life. The rest of the world doesn't really care what happened to you, and if you can put it down to experience, so much the better.

Seaker, I know I can't really understand not having ever personally confronted the problem, but you have my best wishes. Lot of good advice, it sounds like. Here's hoping the healing occurs. Good luck.

WOW, thank you all so much. I never expected so much come-back, and I know your right. So maybe it's time I took the bull by the hornes.
This is the first time I have ever tryed an advice line, seems to me talking to real people is the best way, even better if you can't see them.
Please don't get me wronge I'm not that screwed up, there is just something missing.

Seaker,

Hugs from across the pond. While I can't offer any better advice than my friends here on Pixies, I can offer an ear. You're already proven your strength of will just by posting here.

__________________
Go then. There are other worlds than these.

I am a victim of emotional and physical abuse as a child and also of rape as a 16 year old so i have a fair idea where you come from.

I was totally unable to handle it at all and it effected mt so badly that I felt dirty, useless and unloved for 15 years. I had few relationships and unless i was at work or doing a sporting or community activity, I hid away from the world. I tried suicide at 30 and only then did I get what I has needed all along, professional help.

I will always have the effects of those bad times but I have risen above it and now you can put it where it belongs too. You have a wife that you love so don't allow the past to take the present away.

Best of luck Seaker take care mate

Seaker...
I am 34 and have only just realized that my father sexually abused me when I was very young...how's that for repression? I am just coming back to this board so I have just now seen this post. I hope you are doing well with things. I am in therapy and belong to several yahoo lists to talk. If you ever want to talk...I am here.

Seaker

Lots of good advice already.

You are worth knowing, you are a good man - it was his fault and not yours. Do not let him do anymore damage to your life.

Counselling is very worthwhile.

Good luck.

If you want to talk please PM me

wildeye