You know what it really hit me today. As you know from previous posts (lots) I was in a pretty screwed up situeation. Well Diana wants to be friends with benefits and then date a guy or guys and then if it dont work out come back to me. I asked how long would you date them and she said well it depends. If it works out I could date them for long term. It hit me. Jesus Christ how stupid have I been. Why would I hold out on something like that? I am just a backup and as much as I am in love with her it is crazy. Total Idiotic thinking on my part. I mean come on she wants to date other guys? You know she will become romantically involved and prob meet someone she wants. Where am I stuck then ? In the gutter!!!! Hard up and up shits creek without a paddle. I need to just let go of delusions that she will be mine. Hell I am so stressed out with it my hair is falling out literaly!!!! So I am not going to do this anymore. I am changing. Sure I will be her friend and sure if she is willing to do some wild shit I will but no more wishful loonyland ideas that she will be my wife. Slaps self* I know my self confidence is in the crapper. Actually it is beyond the crapper. I stuck with diana because well honestly she made me feel good about myself. Plus she was hot but that is immaterial. So yea I wanna go out now and enjoy myself. I wanna experience life and not the boredom of staying home waiting for her call. What do you all think? What should I do to get out?

rzande1,

What intrigues you? What engages your attention? What do you want to do better?

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Eudaimonia

I dont know. I have had no personal life at all. I basically go to work and come home. I hardly ever go out and if i do it is for food or coffee. I have never been to a party. I have never been to a club. I have been to nothing. Just a bar a couple of times with my friend and his buddies.

There's always chances to get lucky in bars but I've found that it's easier meeting someone when you go to relax for your own self, not when you're in "hunting" mode and prone to set your psyche up for major disappointments if you don't meet someone or you do and don't hook up in the end, irritating your blue funk even further.

Just get out and play the odds in various situations. The point is to enjoy yourself first, not to let other people make your enjoyment for you.

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What do you mean when you say, 'sure if she's willing to do some wild shit'? I'm guessing you mean sexual stuff.

DON'T go there. Sex without love is absolutely fine, but you're in love with her, so sex is a bad idea.

I think you need distance from her, a life away from her in which you can become a more interesting (and that'll make you more attractive) person.

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"Time flies like an arrow -
Fruit flies like a banana"

M Y - N A U G H T Y - P I C T U R E S ! !

rzande1

I've been in a relationship where she met someone else for a brief fling, but wanted to keep me on tap.

I gave her a "use-by date" and told her the choice was hers.

She went past the date and wouldn't choose, so I did.

Pissing her off was the best think I'd done in 10 years.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

Lou hits it right on the head here. I was in a similar situation about 18 yrs. ago with my high school/college sweetheart. Things seems so awful at the time but eventually time did heal all of those wounds. Believe it or not there will come a day when you can think about her and remember only how great the good times were and not really even care about the break-up.

Hang in there buddy, you'll make it through all of this.

yea so basically I am still heart broken.

Holidays can be tough that's for sure. Believe us though, it really does just take some time. You'll get there. Really, you will.

Try to have a Merry Christmas. There's an awful lot of good things out there to be happy about/thankful for.

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It takes a gutless mouse to play only when the cat's away.

No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever. ~~ Francois Mocuriac

Confucius say, "He who masturbate into cash register come into money."

An optimist looks at the glass and says it's half full. A pessimist looks at the glass and says it's half empty. A Cubs fan looks at the glass and says, "When's it gonna spill?"

Deus Impetitio Esuritori Nullus

I saw her last night. we were hanging out for dinner and a movie and had sex. It sucks. she was talking to me and crying because she didn't want to hurt me. she said she just didn't understand why she didn't love me like she used to. I am friends with her cause ithat is the kind of person I am. I just don't know. I don't feel bad. I feel nothing.

Not bloody hard enough!...Ya need to move on...as you've been told on each thread shitloads of times!!

Slap yaself harder, pick yaself up, dust yaself of, chalk it down to a crappy experience & FFS grab ya life by the horns and go for it!!

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ffs? what is that? Anyway it is starting to leave shock and go into anger.

ffs = for fucks sake

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well on the bright side I got a good contract finally. help me get another too. Anyway I just don't get why I put myself through this. I mean come on she doesn't love me that way and wants to just be my friend. I need to accept that. It is just tough for me. She is the first woman to accept me for who I am and actually take interest in me. No other woman ever has done that. I am scared that no one ever will again. I mean yea she is hot and well it is tough to give her up. I joke I was spoiled with her because I am very unattractive and she is ultra hot. lol I seriously was sitting yeasterday waiting for her to get out of work at the mall and I honestly didn't even notice any women there. I was just in a zombie like state like I always am. lol my friend frank said a woman needs to strip down infront of me and wave those sticks they use at the airport to direct planes to get my attention. It truly is funny too because when she noticed me yeasterday she smiled and waved and it sent such a rush through me. I was feeling depressed and it instantly made me jump for joy. I just want her to be happy.

It really just hurts so much. I feel so empty without her. I dont know what do do really. I wish I knew what I could do to fix it. I hate to say it but I need a hug. Is it the worst when you loose your first love or does it get worse?