What each person has said is right for them. For each of us, it IS the way we feel about it. Just like in the face-to-face world, I have had just one hell of a lot of fun with a whole bunch of nice people. I’ve come to feel truly close to a number of people here at Pixies and consider them as much a friend as any in my daily life. I also have experienced a very intimate and caring relationship here, just like the real world.

The important thing is that the people involved share honest feelings. You and your mate are ALWAYS the first people involved. I believe it’s up to each of us to find what is comfortable and pleasant for us in an adult world.

My prospective, for me, is that I’ve found more up-front and honest people here than I run into in the “real world” because we came here with honest common interests and without the pretext required before the commonality is established. I believe the unwritten guide here is, be nice to everyone and go with what is good for you. I’d like to live in the real world where this was the basic guide.

__________________

Just my $0.02

First off the idea of him discussing your sex life on line..every one here on Pixies is anonymous..we have our screen names and such so it's not like someone actually knows who you are and will walk up to you on the street one day and say "......" (whatever it may be that you don't like hubby discussing) Second of all pms can (and are for me at least many times) be innocent. Just a hello or to say that you share a view with someone or a few kind words to someone if you see that they are down or whatever the situation may be. I am not going to say that the sexual inneuendo does not fly hot and heavy here ..it does. But I feel that Pixies is a fun place that like minded individuals (and sometimes not so alike) come to share thier views on many things not just sex...... I hope that helps .

__________________
Would you cater to every fantasy I've got? Would you hose me down with holy water if I get to hot? Can you take me places I've never known?

Sucks, Fucks & Kisses

I hope I didn't come off as being unfeeling about the original question.

It's obviously bothering her very much and I'm sorry that it's such an issue for them as a couple.

I guess sometimes the whole pornography debate gets people worked up and I can't always figure out why.

Here's an example of what I mean.

When I worked at the free clinic, some of the people either visiting us or WORKING at the clinic had a hard time with words like penis and vagina.

We desensitized them by having them say the word over and over until it was somewhat meaningless. There is and was NO reason for people to be unable to SAY these words...some people would actually sweat bullets and feel faint when they were forced to say them! LOL
That was clearly an over reaction and is often how people feel about pornography.

I do understand though, that the original poster here is feeling like there's an affair or something like that....

Hmmmm...i dunno about other women...but i tell Bilbo everything...including what i spend at the hairdressers.
And i expect the same honesty in return from him.

If it were me in that womans shoes, i'd have left the sorry bastard and found another one i could trust!!

Neither of these things actually interact with you to bring you pleasure...you do most of the work
Where as cybering is 2 or more ppl interacting live or in real time

And i dunno about you but would you run off an live with a porn mag or vid.....
Yet i know for a fact that ppl run off with their cyber lovers!!!

__________________

I had a very sexless marriage and I found the internet and went cybering like mad for a while. It was having affairs without being out in the open.

I met a woman with whom i have shared a great deal over the past 3 years. My wife from whom I am seperated considered it an affair though we have never met.

I can see her viewpoint and it is too late for my marriage.

I have not cybered anyone at Pixies but perhaps I might one day. I have some great friends with whom I send PM's to quite often, usually just personal stuff. I flirt and make innuendo cos it is fun but I have respect for people and would not offend on purpose.

This place is fulfilling in a lot of ways and many couples come here. I don't hear of people trying to break up relationships at all, so unlike other adult meeting places either sexually or romantically oriented. You on accasion see people asking for people in certain areas for contacts and they rarely get a reply.

I urge you to sit down and talk, really talk with your husband about your worries. Offer to join him and share Pixies with him as many do. If yoyu cannot agree between yourselves, Please please go to counselling together. That will really help.

I wish you both all the best in the world and hope that you can build your marriage back up. I support and respect relationships and would never knowingly advocate for anyone to leave theirs without doing the utmost to sort out the problems first.

he needs to show you what he is doing if
its nothing then hes nothink to hide
you need to talk about it
lol hope you both can sort it out

randygal i happen to agree with you no ones
opinion is wrong just differant but they need
to sort out there differanses to be in harmony

Sharniqua - You have hit the nail on the head so to speak.

I do not object to videos and magazines. It's the live interaction with others that I find completely inappropriate for a married person. (Unless that married person's spouse wants to join in and "swing" like Steph suggested.)

Wow. Yes.

GREAT points Sharniqua and Grumbleguts. Excellent in fact.

Excellent advice too...

I certainly wish her and her husband well and that she can get some communication going about the subject of his being here.

Again, thanks for not blasting me for some of my more unusual viewpoints...your thoughts Grumble and Sharniqua are ALL much more marriage friendly than mine are.

grumbleguts - I was also interested in your perspective.

Unfortunately for my husband, the lack of sex in this marriage is his own fault. He made a choice a long time ago to devote his time and attention to the computer while virtually ignoring his wife and kids.

It has been only recently that I noticed the pixies web site coming up on our computer log over and over that I confronted him about it.

My reason for starting this thread in the first place was to get his attention. I tried being up front with him in the real world and that didn't work. Maybe we will be able to resolve this and maybe we won't. Maybe it's already been too late for years and I just didn't want to admit it.

Thanks for your help.

An interesting and revealing thread.

Most of us here use Pixies as a meeting place, much like a mixed

group at your favourite pub or coffee shop.

Some of the conversations are inane, some insane, some

erotic and some just plain fun.

Pixies fills a part of life we aren't finding 'out there'.

Is it cheating? No way.

Is it 'naughty'? Only most of the time, the way some pub groups

get away from sexual talk for up to 20sec at a time.

Can it lead to cheating? Only if the individual wishes.

Don't shoot the messenger, talk to the husband.

ps PMs are good for flirting, not cyber sex.

Just my take.....

__________________
Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

Jen, my hopes are that he will read this thread and start to communicate with you. I commend you for taking this action. Perhaps he has some untreated depression as I did that makes you draw away.
You are being brave and I really am hoping that things will change.
I have had counselling together with my ex and had we done it a couple of years earlier we may have been able to have averted the pain we both caused each other. The things that came to light with a neutral and trained person brought many things to light that we would never had said face to face alone.

For the sake of the innocent children who will be hurt I cannot stress enough that you give every avenue a fair try. Also it is extremely painful for the two people involved. I know all about it through experience.

So hubby whoever you are, please communicate and get this out in the open. you never will know what will happen if you don't try.

I think that of all of the replies;I'd agree with pantyfanatics the
most.I deeply value the friends that I have made here;sometimes
more than the ones in real life.
Randygirl(formal)---If I read; your reply right;you think that masturbating to a magazine or picture is cheating.My wife and I;
think;just the opposite.We have always encouraged the others
masturbating because people have different sex drives,the other
isn't always available,it's enjoyable and we figured that it was better than having physical contact with another person.Fantasy
life is not the same as real life!
I;also;do not think that she would appreciate my discussing our
personal sex lives with others.That is between the two of you!
Irish

__________________
Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

Oldfart - I've tried talking to the husband.

I explained to him that to me a private message is like a phone call.

Are you or have you been married? Do you think your wife would appreciate it if you called women friends on the phone to talk about sex and flirt outrageously?

Agree, private messages are like phone calls. I know my wife wouldn't appreciate me getting pm's unless she were to be involved.