Top 8 Morons of 2003

> > 1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John
Walter
> after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a
> $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking
> intelligence.
> >
> > 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two
> hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his
> home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the
man
> was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out
and
> > give yourself up."
> >
> > 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,
kidnapped
> a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller
> machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own
> bank accounts.
> >
> > 4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked
for
> all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so
he
> tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours
until
> police showed up and grabbed him.
> >
> > 5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
> suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives
> asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money
or
> I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!".
> >
> > 6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My
> wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is
this
> her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her
> husband!"
> >
> > 7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard
King
> was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a
> weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately,
he
> failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!
> >
> > 8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in
the
> high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating,
> were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get
> their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every
> > maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of
> trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone
> there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check
> revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the
> out-
> > drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and
pitch.
> So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He
came
> up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
> >
> > NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.
> >
> > Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

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