While I've been here for over a year now I just noticed that I've only posted 200 times (including this one!). I've read a hell of a lot more than I've posted, and I guess part of the reason for this is that when 'internet chat' was in its infancy I got really involved with a group of people that I loved. We talked daily and things were going so great for so long, but then something strange happened. The group somehow changed and things went kind of bad for many of us. It was really sad that we couldn't all get along anymore, and I still think of those people often. Because of this I vowed never to get 'too involved' with an internet group again. Whenever someone starts getting friendly with me I start pulling away because I'm afraid to form friendships online now.

Have any of you gone through this before?

It's strange how close you can get to people online because you don't have to be face to face with them. You sit behind a computer screen and without that physical presence it seems like you can tell them almost anything about yourself (and vise-versa) and everyone accepts you for who you are and what you're about. Relationships can get very intense. Yet when things go badly the hurt seems to be the same or in some cases even worse. I've been so afraid to get close to anyone online since this happened that I tend to stay in the shadows, lurking and watching instead of participating. Especially at Pixies because I would hate not ever coming back here again. I really love all of you. You make me smile more than you could know. Perhaps someday I'll overcome this, but I'm really not sure if I can.

In the mean time, forgive me if I don't post that much, it's not that I don't want to, it's just that the idea of loosing this place would make me really sad. It's quite the catch-22, isn't it?


Your thoughts?

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"Old man, how is it that you can hear these things?

Young man, how is it that you do not?"