>> > > Q. What does HMO stand for?
>> > > A. This is actually a variation of the phrase,
>> > > "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept
>> > > pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who
>> > > discovered that a patient could be made to
>> > > forget about the pain in his foot if he was
>> > > poked hard enough in the eyes.
>> > >
>> > > Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it
>> > > be to choose the doctor I want?
>> > > A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing
>> > > your parents. Your insurer will provide you
>> > > with a book listing all the doctors in the
>> > > plan. These doctors basically fall into two
>> > > categories -- those who are no longer accepting
>> > > new patients, and those who will see you but
>> > > are no longer participating in the plan. But
>> > > don't worry; the remaining doctor who is still
>> > > in the plan and accepting new patients has an
>> > > office just a half-day's drive away, and a
>> > > diploma from a Third World country.
>> > >
>> > > Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-
>> > > certification?
>> > > A. No. Only those you need.
>> > >
>> > > Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting
>> > > conditions?
>> > > A. Certainly, as long as they don't require
>> > > any treatment.
>> > >
>> > > Q. What happens if I want to try alternative
>> > > forms of medicine?
>> > > A. You'll need to find alternative forms of
>> > > payment.
>> > >
>> > > Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs,
>> > > but I need the name brand. I tried the Generic
>> > > Medication, but it gave me a stomach ache.
>> > > What should I do?
>> > > A. Poke yourself in the eye.
>> > >
>> > > Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
>> > > A. You really shouldn't do that.
>> > >
>> > > Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my
>> > > doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can
>> > > a general practitioner really perform a heart
>> > > transplant right in his office?
>> > > A. Hard to say, but considering that all
>> > > you're risking is the $20 co-payment, there's
>> > > no harm in giving him a shot at it.
>> > >
>> > > Q. Will health care be different in the next
>> > > century?
>> > > A. No. But if you call right now, you might get
>> > > an appointment by then.

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Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)