Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE - He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?
Exchange him.

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.

How do most men define marriage?
A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

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FussyPucker

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