You know what it really hit me today. As you know from previous posts (lots) I was in a pretty screwed up situeation. Well Diana wants to be friends with benefits and then date a guy or guys and then if it dont work out come back to me. I asked how long would you date them and she said well it depends. If it works out I could date them for long term. It hit me. Jesus Christ how stupid have I been. Why would I hold out on something like that? I am just a backup and as much as I am in love with her it is crazy. Total Idiotic thinking on my part. I mean come on she wants to date other guys? You know she will become romantically involved and prob meet someone she wants. Where am I stuck then ? In the gutter!!!! Hard up and up shits creek without a paddle. I need to just let go of delusions that she will be mine. Hell I am so stressed out with it my hair is falling out literaly!!!! So I am not going to do this anymore. I am changing. Sure I will be her friend and sure if she is willing to do some wild shit I will but no more wishful loonyland ideas that she will be my wife. Slaps self* I know my self confidence is in the crapper. Actually it is beyond the crapper. I stuck with diana because well honestly she made me feel good about myself. Plus she was hot but that is immaterial. So yea I wanna go out now and enjoy myself. I wanna experience life and not the boredom of staying home waiting for her call. What do you all think? What should I do to get out?