4 miracles of a woman:.
1 getting wet without taking a shower.
2 bleeding without getting hurt.
3 giving milk without eating grass.
4 and making boneless flesh hardSplash

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it
seems like an hour.
Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems
like a minute.
THAT'S relativity."
- Albert Einstein

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working
the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
- Robert Frost

It's been known for years that sex is good exercise,
but until recently nobody had made a scientific study
of the caloric expenditure of different sexual
activities. Now, for the first time in the Western
World, here are the true caloric benefits of
sex.

REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With consent....................................... 12 Calories
Without consent................................... 187 Calories

OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands..................................... 8 Calories
With one hand...................................... 12 Calories
With your teeth.................................... 85 Calories

PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection.................................... 6 Calories
Without an erection............................... 315 Calories

PRELIMINARIES:
Trying to find the clitoris......................... 8 Calories
Trying to find the G-Spot.......................... 92 Calories

POSITIONS:
Missionary........................................ . 12Calories
69 lying down...................................... 78Calories
69 standing up.................................... 112Calories
Wheelbarrow....................................... 216Calories
Doggy Style....................................... 326Calories
Italian chandelier................................ 912Calories

ORGASM:
Real.............................................. 112Calories
False............................................. 315Calories

POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging............................... 18Calories
Getting up immediately............................. 36Calories
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately..... 816Calories

GETTING A SECOND ERECTION:
If you are:
20-29 years old.................................... 36Calories
30-39 years........................................ 80Calories
40-49 years....................................... 124Calories
50-59 years....................................... 972Calories
60-69 years...................................... 2916Calories
70 and over.............................................. .Death

DRESSING AFTERWARDS:
Calmly............................................ .. 32 Calories
In a hurry..........................................98 Calories
With her father knocking at the door..............1218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door...............3521 Calories

OLD MAN: Can you give me an erection?
FAITH HEALER: I can make the blind see, make the
lame walk and I can even cure cancer, but I'm sorry I cannot raise the dead.

Virgin male on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking
what to do.
MOM: Put your biggest thing on her hairiest thing.
SON: OK. I got my nose in her armpit. Now what?

What was the cause of the break up between Prince
Charles and Lady Di?
Lady Di discovers that not all rulers have 12
inches.

On their way to get married, a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates
waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder:

Could they possibly get married in Heaven ?

When St. Peter shows up, they asked him. St. peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he
leaves.

The couple sat and waited for an answer....for a couple of months.

While they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all.

"What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?"

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.

"Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."

"Great!" said the couple,

"But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.

"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

>"OH, COME ON!!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here!

Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer ?

I have posted enough but i see that no one is reading it so....... let me say bye

lol

No we are reading it...Keep going dude...but post in the right forumn ..i think this should be in General Chat...not General Sex Chat.


SteinFibers.

These are great.

Figured this thread needed a 'bump'.......