My partner and I have not had sex in almost 1 year we have a 3 month old daughter now and I think that last time that we did have sex was when we concieved her. I do think that sex plays a important part in a relationship, but if you not getting any and your not happy I do not believe that cheating is the answer. I think that answer to sole that situation in communication, you need to be able to talk to your partner about what your needs are and what there needs are, and if you cant come to a comprimisation then it's best to part ways, saying that, that is only when both parties are willing to do that. Also you may also have the option of having a open relationship so that way you still have the intimacy of a loving relationship and both parties are not missing out on the sex factor.

In general an end to sex means something seriously wrong with the relationship and it should be ended. However, especially as people get older it might not.

does not mean there is omething wrong with the relationship at all, as I meantioned in my previos post my partner and I don't have it and there is nothing wrong with our relationship

MIKAYLASMUMMY:

No...No...I understand that the immediate environment can determine the sex factor! Been there-Done that! If the relationship is healthy & strong you can certainly weather the dry spell. What I am saying is that if the sex stops because the intimacy stops, and you feel that you can't (or don't want to salvage it), then END the relationship BEFORE you move on to someone else!!! Like I said, CHEATING IS NOT AN OPTION, in my book!!!

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Ok I apologise, now it's more clear to me now what you meant

Well sometime a couple does not have the option as to wether or not they have sex. I am usually very quiet in be but my partner on the occasion can get loud. At the moment we live in a 2 bedroom unit with his son and our daughter., because of lack of room our daughter hs her cot in our room we are unable to have sex in the bedroom because she will wake up as she is a very light sleeper ( she wakes up when we walk around the room ) and anywhere else we run the risk of my partners son waking up.
so sometimes you really don't have a option.

Sorry to me that's just making excuses.

The shower is unacceptable for some reason? You can't put a lock on the sons door? You don't have friends that will take the kids for a few hours in the afternoon on the weekends? If a couple wants to have sex they will find a way to do it.

I suspect it's something more than that.

No nothing moe than that.
Shower, is way to small my partner is 6 foot amost and I am 5'6 so the differance in height andlack of room does make is very difficult in the shower.

Lock on his sons door ummm I would never d that to him... he son I mean...

All of our friends and family eiher live interstate or too far to travel and/or we do not trust them with the kids, they can arely looking after them selves.
Nope nothing more than that

I'm exactly 6ft and my wife is shorter than you are and we do just fine in the shower. So now I know you're making excuses. Which is fine, if you don't want to have sex it's no skin off of my nose.

But if he's not pestering you about it he's either asexual or getting it someplace else.

You keep talking about possibilities. His son might wake up and catch you. There are worse things in the world than a kid seeing his parents having sex. It's not going to scar him for life. And if your daughter wakes up so fucking what, she's three months old it's not like she knows what's going on.

I hate to break it to you but it doesn't matter where you live sex doesn't have to be in a bed with the lights out. Unless of course one partner is a complete and total prude.

Jude in mikayla's mums other posts she points out that the baby is a light sleeper, so if she does wake up during sex, then wouldn't they have to stop and tend to a crying baby? It isn't an excuse from what I can see.

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Allowing a child under the age of 16 to witness a sex act is in fact child abuse (at least in this country) It's exactly the kind of thing that scars one for life, depending on his age and the circumstances.

I think you're somewhat insensitive Jude, to suggest that someone else's relationship (whom I doubt you truly know) is failing.

It is clear from other men's posts here on this thread that most men, do not in fact, think like you and it gets me to wondering whether your comments are just a reflection of your own sexual frustration within your relationship.....I don't know, I'm not there, but you seem to assume that women are out there making excuses not to have sex and that men can't live without it.

Relationships are hard enough, Jude, especially with a tiny baby to tend to, as you should know, so I don't think filling a woman's head with doubts about the strength of her relationship and the fidelity of her partner actually achieves anything other than messing with her head.

I'm always first to give advice to people on their relationships when they've asked for it, but I think before I type, and tread carefully as I'm aware that when I say things, I'm potentially messing with people's REAL lives.

Now, if you don't mind, I've got a PM to send to someone now, to make sure she's OK.

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I think this is the line that people are mostly objecting to.

How would you like it if we suggested that your wife might be getting it someplace else for whatever reason (I dunno, say she'd like to have sex with someone less aggressive and more sensitive for a change)?

Yes, I'm being deliberately provocative, to make the point that no-one likes a virtual stranger to start handing down their (unsolicited) opinions on their relationships, based on a set of values not necessarily the same as their own.

Also, to do so with a post natal woman is just asking for trouble. Had it occurred to you that their MIGHT be something more serious going on here? Like, say, post-natal depression (although to be honest, in this case I doubt it) and that you sticking your oar in could actually contribute to making an unhappy situation worse?

Yes everyone's entitled to freedom of speech but if someone were standing on the edge of a cliff considering jumping, it might not be socially responsible to go over and suggest their partner is cheating on them. My point is, that you have NO IDEA what's really going on in people's lives here at Pixies so it's best to tread VERY carefully.

Anyone, who's been on Pixies for a while knows I'm not talking out of my arse here, and that things like this DO and HAVE happened, so if we older members seem to be jumping down your throat and being over-protective of someone whom we feel might be emotionally vulnerable THERE'S your reason.

*gets off my soap box and walks away from this thread, hopefully for the last time*

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"Time flies like an arrow -
Fruit flies like a banana"

M Y - N A U G H T Y - P I C T U R E S ! !

The shower? The bathroom counter? Sitting on the edge of the tub (assuming you have one)? That's a locked door. Do it when you won't wake anyone up, so what if you're overheard?

I will admit that the shower is out of the question for some couples (I include myself in that list. 13" of height difference makes any standing position other than holding her up utterly out of the question.) but there are other things you can do.

Sex doesn't have to be in bed at night. In the last 15 years I've done that maybe half a dozen times and all but one of those times was at her parent's house.

If you knew our lifestyles, the way we live, where we live you wold know what I mean by when I dissagree with you on this sentance

I agree with WW. Unless there is a physical ailment or injury, it is usually indicative of some other problem.
I will not make a moral judgement on the merits of cheating except to say that if the relationship is a good one then cheating is a critical weakness in the partner that does so. If the relationship is poor, then both should address it!

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Lots of people talk and few of them know, soul of a woman was created below

I can't get through to her 'cause it doesn't permit
But I'm gonna give her everything I've got to give.

I hear your sweet voice calling
out my name
As I stare from a six foot cell
And from beyond I heard the words
Deceptively Yours