Well it looks like the whole thing with me and my ex is completely over. She no longer feels butterflies for me etc. So fun times I tell ya. Infact she is going to be moving out of state. You know I know I shouldnt bother with her but I just keep devoting more and more time to her. I dont know i just cant let her go. See this just shows how stupid I am. I am so stupid for putting up with shit even if it makes me feel like shit just because when i am with someone I totally commit. I hate this. I really do.

And then I was talking to her just now about how she is wanting to move to california and since she will prob treat every guy like how she treated me like a piece of crap she will be alone. Plus then when she is all horny she will go to a random bar and get screwed by 3 guys and orgaism so hard like i could never make her. :'(

I swear i am normally such a tough as nails guy with emotions but omg i just cant stop crying over her. I am so heartbroken over her it can not be put into words. I just feel so empty inside over her. She was everything to me. My one true love. I loved her so much and i put up with so much because of that. I really thought I was going to marry her. I did so badly and I never gave up hope. :'(

Celebrate the fact that you didn't get married to someone that obviously doesn't reciprocate your feelings. At all.

It may not seem like it now...but that's a good thing.

__________________
Though I am different from you,
We were born involved in one another.

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

Complete surrender should not just come at moments in which one faces overwhelming odds, but in the calm when it seems one is personally in complete control of one's life.

I've broken up with guys when they predict what I'm going to do in the future. I have to say, my butterflies would flutter away if you took such an all-fucking-knowing attitude towards me & my possible future plans.

She already knows I didn't mean it. she told me all that before. this was just said before I posted it. She was saying all sorts of stuff to me and I was hurt and I said stuff to hurt her back. it isn't like I created it. she actually talked about doing it before. What haven't you ever said anything in the heat of the moment or do you venture to think you are perfect and never do anything wrong.

listen I didn't mean to snap but all that was said in the heat of the moment as she was putting me into an emotional gravesite. the butterflies was said aer we hung out last time. I never went and predicted shit for her. it hurt just so much that I wanted to make her hurt just like me. I only accomplished hurting myself. I already blame myself for it all anyway. I don't care I even blame myself for all the shit she did to me. btw that is nothing. she never introduced me to her parents as her bf but just friend. why? easy cause she was ashamed I think.

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Yeah, my point was I'm perfect.

Even if she did talk about it, you're still saying something to hurt her. Throwing her words in her face to be hurtful is just as bad.

well here is the update. she changed back to maybe dating in the future to just dumping everything to friends. yea it is def over. I am actually finding her annoying.

Good start.

Now work on finding her forgettable.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

Yea we basically argued all morning in which time she tried to blame me for everything. So annoying that she thinks she is perfect and that nothing is her fault. lol hell she even said why should she treat me well when she treats pieces of crap like a piece of crap. Just so wonderful I tell ya to know that someone you were in total love with thinks you were a piece of crap. P.S. it looks like we arent even going to be friends anymore. This is because I asked her if she asked me to go to this cover launch because she needed a ride afterwards. It was suspecious since she talked about her not having a ride 1 minute after asking me to go.

Damn I swear I cant believe how nasty our conversation has gotten. My last statement ever to her is this. "And just so you know I am sorry for every single time I hurt you and for this entire thing today. I know that will mean nothing to you now but maybe later. I really didnt mean any of this. It is just an excalationg argument and it seems tempers won. Well have a good life. I with you all the best and true love and happiness." We really got nasty at arguing but it was a match to see who could be worse. Basically that last statement i feel clears my conscience of everything I said and lets her know how I feel. Well it may not mean anything now but who knows maybe down the line it will to her. I really do hope she finds happiness and love. I know it wont be with me but I hope who she does find it with will make her happy and be good for her. Thank you for listening goodbye.

Simple Together
you've been my golden best friend
now with post-demise at hand
I can't go to you for consolation
cause we're off limits during this transition
this grief overwhelms me
it burns in my stomach
and i can't stop bumping into things
i thought we'd be simple together
i thought we'd be happy together
thought we'd be limitless together
i thought we'd be precious together
but i was sadly mistaken
you've been my soulmate and then some
i remembered you the moment i met you
with you i knew god's face was handsome
with you i saw fun and expansion
this loss is numbing me
it pierces my chest
and i can't stop dropping everything
i thought we'd be sexy together
thought we'd be evolving together
i thought we'd have children together
i thought we'd be family together
but i was sadly mistaken
if i had a bill for all the philosophies i shared
if i had a penny for all the possibilities i presented
if i had a dime for every hand thrown up in the air
my wealth would render this no less severe
i thought we'd be genius together
i thought we'd be healing together
i thought we'd be growing together
thought we'd be adventurous togheter
but i was sadly mistaken
thought we'd be exploring together
thought we'd be inspired together
i thought we'd be flying together
thought we'd be on fire together
but i was sadly mistaken

Feelings like this are completely natural, rzande1...its a cleansing of the soul

The world has moved on...and you have to move with it.

The very best of good luck to you!