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Silly Laws or Dumb Warnings

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04-09-2005, 05:27 AM

dicksbro

Just me.

Join Date: May 2002

Location: West central Illinois

Posts: 590,002

Silly Laws or Dumb Warnings

I've seen some of these before but wonder what you've seen or found ..

Illinois Silly Laws:

The English language is not to be spoken.

You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person.

You must contact the police before entering the city in an automobile.

You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2.

And, out great city of Chicago has a few, too ...

It is illegal to give a dog whiskey.

In the Pullman area, it is illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb.

Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire. (Good idea.

)

Kites may not be flown within the city limits.

It is forbidden to fish while sitting on a giraffe's neck. (This is important)

Spitting is forbidden

It is legal to protest naked in front of city hall as long as you are under seventeen years of age and have legal permits.

Dumb Warnings

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost"

04-09-2005, 05:48 AM

Sharni

<----Snappin' Pussy

Join Date: Apr 2001

Location: Queensland, Australia

Posts: 106,936

Dumb Warnings

Claymore Anti-Personal Mine: "DO NOT EAT"

Ansell Condoms: "Do not return used condoms to the manufacturer through the mail"

Trojan Condoms: "Use for sex only - not to be eaten"

Various Computers: "Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue"

7 Up: "Contents under pressure. Cap may blow off causing eye or other serious injury. Point away from face and people, especially when opening."

Bowl Fresh: "Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet."

Dremel Electric Rotary Tool: "This product not intended for use as a dental drill."

On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."

On Nytol sleep aid: "Warning: may cause drowsiness."

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a Korean kitchen knife: "Warning keep out of children"

On a helmet mounted mirror used by us cyclists: "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you"

On a Taiwanese shampoo: "Use repeatedly for severe damage"

On the bottle-top of a flavoured milk drink: "After opening, keep upright"

On a New Zealand insect spray: "This product not tested on animals."

In an american guide to setting up a new computer: "To avoid condensation forming, allow the boxes to warm up to room temperature before opening. (Sensible instruction was on the inside of the box.)"

On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids: "Lie down on bed and insert poscool slowly up to the projected portion Like a sword-guard into anal duct. While inserting poscool for Approximately 5 minutes, keep quiet."

On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place."

On an infant's bathtub: "Do not throw baby out with bath water."

On a package of Fisherman's Friend(R) throat lozenges: "Not meant as substitute for human companionship."

On a Magic 8 Ball: "Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test."

On a roll of Life Savers: "Not for use as a flotation device."

On a cup of McDonald's coffee: "Allow to cool before applying to groin area."

On a refrigerator: "Refrigerate after opening."

On a disposable razor: "Do not use this product during an earthquake."

On a handgun: "Not recommended for use as a nutcracker."

On pantyhose: "Not to be used in the commission of a felony."

On a piano: "Harmful or fatal if swallowed."

On a can of Fix-a-Flat: "Not to be used for breast augmentation."

On a Pentium chip: "If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2-shipping and a $3-handling charge, for a total of $4.97."

On work gloves: "For best results, do not leave at crime scene."

On a palm sander: "Not to be used to sand palms."

On a calendar: "Use of term "Sunday" for reference only. No meteorological warranties express or implied."

On Odor Eaters: "Do not eat."

On a blender: "Not for use as an aquarium."

On a fax machine: "WARNING! Never attempt to directly fax anyone an image of
your naked buttocks. Always photocopy your buttocks and fax the photocopy."

On a revolving door: "Passenger compartments for individual use only."

On a microscope: "Objects are smaller and less alarming than they appear."

On children's alphabet blocks: "Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive."

On a wet suit: "Capacity, 1."

In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles: "Open Other End."

On a packet of Sunmaid raisins: "Why Not Try Tossing Over Your Favorite Breakfast Cereal?"

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Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your mouth.

*~Sharni~*

If you go hunting tigers....be prepared when ya catch one!

04-09-2005, 09:21 AM

cowgirltease cowgirltease is offline

~Imaginary lover~

Join Date: Jun 2003

Posts: 9,432

Send a message via Yahoo to cowgirltease

On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

AWWWWWWWWW Damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I am here for only a short time on this earth. My goal is to make everyone I see smile if only for a moment.

04-09-2005, 10:46 AM

BIBI

Made in England

Join Date: Aug 2002

Location: Hamilton, Ontario, Canada

Posts: 8,180

LMAO Glad I don't live "in the Pulman area"

...imagine not being able to sit on a curb and chug your beer out of a bucket

04-09-2005, 11:06 AM

Galatea

Boobalicious Member

Join Date: Oct 2004

Location: In a yellow submarine

Posts: 674

In the town I use to live in you have to pull your vehicle to the side of the road and turn it off so as not to spook the passing horses and horse-drawn carraiges. And you can't drive motor vehicles down Main St.

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A mental mindfuck can be nice.

04-09-2005, 11:13 AM

Galatea

Boobalicious Member

Join Date: Oct 2004

Location: In a yellow submarine

Posts: 674

Stop that Black Beauty!

:grin: In Marshalltown, Iowa, horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants. :grin:

__________________

A mental mindfuck can be nice.

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