Zookeepers are refusing to help a sedated gorilla masturbate. Kibabu the gorilla's inability to produce offspring has become an embarrassing industrial issue for Taronga Zoo in Sydney.
The zoo management's proposal for an artificial insemination programme using manual stimulation of the sedated gorilla was vetoed by zookeepers, one of whom said: 'It was too bloody dangerous. What if he woke up?'

Officials confirmed the masturbation programme was proposed last May, but said there had been no further attempt to carry it out. Instead, Kibabu, whose harem numbers five females, will probably be stimulated by an electrical device, a process called electro-ejaculation.

Kibabu's failure emerged as about 350 zoo staff planned to stop work to discuss workplace agreement issues, including wages, working hours, stress and job-related risks.

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I'd love to see the title "Ape Masterbator" on a business card.

Can't say I blame the poor SOBs who make minimum wage for refusing to touch a (debatably clean) ape's dick during a (debatabely safe) jerk off session.

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Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney