I have to say that for the most part, being a parent through the years has been great. It really has been. However...teaching my oldest kid to drive is easily the worst thing I've experienced. She puts so much pressure on herself to be perfect, and frankly I don't think she's ready to drive yet. And things don't go that great for she and I. I can't seem to say the right things, and when the kid makes an error - as happens when learning - it just goes worse. And my wife has done very little to help her drive. Which is starting to be a sore point with me. I know I'm not a very good teacher (note to teachers -> teaching is a gift) as I'm more of 'do' person.

So the kid wants to drive, hates to be less than perfect and isn't learning fast enough for her standards. But you know how it goes, I'm sure she feels self conscious as she is older than 16 and has friends who can drive. I think she's finished all her paid driver lessons. She does have her permit.

Anyway, any thoughts out there for me or her? I'm feeling a little crappy about my parenting skills and she's in her room upset over the driving we tried this evening. It did not go well.

It is not a good thing to teach your own to drive.

Do you have someone in the same position you can swap kids with?

If you're stuck with it, I advise to get the kid driving on low-traffic secondary roads,

then up the traffic as the kid can cope.

Another thought, spend some afternoons go-karting. Let the driving part become automatic.

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Man we should trade. I have one that gets so nervous that he chooses not to drive. He really needs to because he has soooooo many events but I am not sure he has the confidence and that is important.

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I kind of agree with Old Fart on the go-kart, however I would suggest an empty parking lot instead of low traffic if she's having that much trouble. I didn't learn to drive until I was just about 18. My mom refused to teach me because of South Carolina's laws on the matter. If I had even my learners permit it was required that I be on her insurance. Which would have sent the bill up another 100.00 or so.

Another thing to consider is the time of day. You mentioned you two were driving in the evening. Unless you have an extremely low stress lifestyle, you both might have been a little over sensitive to what was going on. Try teaching in the morning when you haven't had to deal with the day just yet.

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We started in the empty lots of closed for the day business's and then went for trailer parks. Used some slower streets and started going up our street to the store but she had a bad day and has not been back in drivers seat since. I don't have the courage to sit in passenger seat at this point. Wish I could afford the drivers ed class. Was free when I did it!

Here it raised my insurance over $1200 annually. When he turned 21 it helped but the idea of adding another young boy to my policy is daunting. That being said, I'd like him to be able to safely get to his events independently some times.

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
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One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

Gotta admit, I wasn't thrilled (or the best at) teaching my kids to drive and fortunately my wife was better than me. Doing it in the morning was a good idea along with less crowded locations ... whether it's back country roads or parking lots or whatever. Traffic has gotten so much worse, too. Another reason to pick a lower traffic time or place. Good luck.

I wish you well, but envy you not. My daughter too was a real pip to teach how to drive.

Patience, we are taught, is a virtue.

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Go-karts are good because they are alone and react without the expectation of being told how to react.

It's a confidence thing as well.

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Being a parent is definetly the best thing I ever did. But there should be an award of some sort for willingly, knowing the risks, getting in the passenger seat with your teen at the wheel!!

Funny thing is we all survive and do it again with the younger siblings.

Good luck to all of you going through it now. So glad I'm done!!!

good luck on the teaching to drive. I didn't learn till i was 30 and took the bus everywhere.. my spouse now taught me how to drive stick driving around a mall that had a lot of stop lights and hills

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Your wife might have to step up, and see if that changes the dynamic some. I practice drove with my mom and my dad in the passenger seat at various times, and my dad was a lot more patient and a lot less likely to freak out than my mom. (That's true of my parents in general, still!) But I like OF's idea; see if you can swap duties with someone in the same boat. The perfectionism bit is tough, though. I'm married to one of those; it's not something they can just give up in the moment. Maybe if you talk about your difficulties and funny (yet safe and legal!) stories about learning to drive, she might be able to relax a bit about it?

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Thanks all for the thoughts and advice much appreciated. Good stuff there. It's nice to know that my experience isn't as much out of the norm as I had thought. Thanks again.

I'm not a parent, nor do I currently wish to be, but I do recognize some of the difficulties. I also wish you the best of luck.

__________________
"BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Will he offer me his mouth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his teeth? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his jaws? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes. GIRL: Again, will he offer me his hunger? BOY: Yes! GIRL: Yes. BOY: On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? GIRL: Yes. BOY: I bet you say that to all the boys!" -Meatloaf

Well, the nightmare has ended. The kid took the test twice and passed on the 2nd time. I could tell she was ready in the end. Not so much on the first time. So that's good.
Although it got worse from my post. I finally got to a good spot with her though. Two things. One, we set a scope before we drove - along the lines of what were we going to accomplish etc. That helped. I didn't push her, and she took ownership. The other item I learned is that I needed to not push so hard. I think if I had thought through this a little bit before we went a few times, it would have gone better.

Anyway, what's done is done. I have a few regrets on blowing what could have been (and should have been) a fun time in her life but she seems to have forgiven me. And of course, as she is a teenager, if it isn't this, then there is always something else that I am failing at as her parent! Those of you who have teens understand.

Thanks everyone.