Hi everyone...

I am married and have been for about 5 years. We don't have any kids. My husband and I get along great, but we don't have much of a sex life. We have sex 1-2 times a month and each time it's not very fun for me. I rarely orgasm and sex is basically focused on getting him off.

I have a normal/high sex drive and the lack of sex is driving me crazy. I've tried giving him sex pointers and he tries, but I can't seem to find anything that works. I've never had these problems with other guys, so I think our sexual chemistry and technique is just off.

I had a friend suggest sex therapy as a solution - she said that the therapist could teach us some techniques and get us to talk more about our issues. I was wondering if any of you have ever tried a sex therapist? Did it help, or have any effect at all?

Any pointers, suggestions, or experiences you could share would be great.

There are few therapists who actually train specifically to be sex therapists and their practices can vary wildly...I would suggest that you try to get an idea of what the therapist typically does before spending your cash. If the issue is more about you trying to please him and him not being willing to accomodate you, that is not necessarily a 'sex-therapist' issue and may better be addressed in regular couples' sessions.

for me sex is therapy. Would it be possible for you to discuss with us some of whats going on? we have a very good group of very open and caring people here who could be helpful? has the sex always been a bit lackluster for you? are the two of you under a lot of stress lately? has he given up on foreplay? are ya'll less sexy with one another or even in your own minds eye?


always nosy

Kyttn

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I think that having sessions with a professional sex therapist may be a good opportunity. However, I think before reaching that point you have to make sure you have tried everything else. My suggestion would be to introduce sexual aids into your bedroom routine (videos, vibes, eggs/bullets, erotica, etc). In addition (and even more important) patience and encouragement without judgment.

Most sex issues are based on an emtional disconnect rather than actual technique problems. I would reccommend talking to a couple's counselor first, then maybe they can reccommend you to a sex therapist if needed.

The Mrs and I lead very busy and distracting lives that can leave us drained and uninterested in sex. One thing we introduced into our lovemaking years ago to help spice things up has been fantasies. We'll talk about it in the morning...let it simmer throughout the day...and then act it out after the kids are asleep (we hope...LOL).