I got these from my son and, just in case you need a laugh:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly airplane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last.................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

QANTAS

Queensland And Northern Territory Air Service.



My wife also puts the U in.

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Two are better then one!

dicksbro,

Great! Thank U.

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Eudaimonia

No, thanks no U.

Acronym.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

CuteCoupleOz

At the rate that QANTAS is pulling out of the Territory, replacing with Jetstar, the budget abomination.

The local joke, keeping in mind the QANTAS has outsourced so many IT jobs to Mumbai is, QAAS, the Spirit of India.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

U guys are so neat. I just copied what I got ... U never know when U might end up with an extra U, do U?









PS ... I did a search and found both Qantas and Quantas referenced. One (using the U) was an Australian travel service.

My guess, they went walkabout too long in the hot sun. (They did show Qantas Airways as the airline.)

http://www.globenettravel.com.au/quantas.asp

OMG ROFLMAOPMP

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U never know when U might need to install a cat!!!



Thanks for the laugh DB!!!

I have just re-read the post. I am most concerned that QANTAS aircraft are fitted with target radar. Is this the beginning of a new phase of competition? "We blew the competition away, No, really blew 'em away".

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

Oldfart, the pilots use it to fine the runway, that is why they put a big X at the beginning of the runway.

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Does that make it an "X-RATED RUNWAY?" Wow! No wonder you Aussies have so much fun. We just get O'Hare.

Do they forbid Brazilian airliners at O'Hare?

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

Depends on when its last wax job was

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The mind never forgets what the hands have learned

Must be why the meals all have rice.

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Two are better then one!

Trying to curry favour perhaps.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating