A Farmer has a flock of sheep and decides he wants to breed them, so he goes to market and buys a ram. After several weeks he takes the sheep to the Vet and asks him to check to see if they are pregnant. "Oh, no" , says the Vet, "I can tell right away that none of your sheep are pregnant. A pregnant sheep always lies down after it becomes pregnant.

"Well, whats the problem then?" Asks the farmer.

"I think your ram might be gay", ventures the Vet.

So the farmer says, "I can't afford another ram, is there any other way to get my sheep pregnant?"

The Vet says, "Well you could always try artificial insemination.".

"Oh right" says the farmer, "I'll think about that" and then he leaves. When back at the farm the farmer thinks to himself, "Artificial insemination must mean I've got to shag the sheep myself, but I can't let the wife know." So, being a clever farmer, he takes all the sheep off in the back of his truck to a deserted field a few miles out of town and shags them all, brings them back, puts them in the field and goes to bed. In the morning he gets up, goes to the window to see if any of the sheep are lying down. Alas no, all of the sheep are as upright as sheep can be.

"Alright then," thinks the farmer to himself, "I'll have to do them all twice just to be on the safe side" So he takes all the sheep in the back of his truck to the deserted field again and shags them all twice! Brings them back, puts them in their field and goes to bed. In the morning all the sheep are still standing proud.

"Right", says the farmer,"no more mucking about".He puts all the sheep in the back of his truck and takes them to the deserted field where he shags them all 5 TIMES!!!. Brings them back, puts them in the field and goes to bed.

Well come the morning the poor farmer aches from head to toe and can't get out of bed because he is so tired from yesterday's shagging so he asks his wife to look out the window and tell him if any of the sheep are lying down.

She goes to the window and looks out and says, "No, they are not lying down, they are all in the back of your truck and one of them is honking the horn!

omg :grin:

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

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Just when the caterpiller thought the world was over, it became a butterfly!

Owning Pita, by my JassWolf!!
My Story~ Friday Night Spanking

Roflmao

lmao!

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Trees give peace to the souls of men * Nora Waln

The forest would be very quiet if no other birds sang than those who sing the best * Henry van Dyke

some fairly sordid tales, rambles, and anecdotes
Hypothetically Speaking * Something More * Cammy Interrupted * An Experimental Vacation * Masked * so..damn..hot * Thank You * My toy, his idea * no.19 Maple Lane * I Have A Surprise For You * Yesterday * In a Quiet Kitchen * help me decide * untitled prose * more untitled prose

lmfao

Wakey wakey...where's our snakey?

__________________
Though I am different from you,
We were born involved in one another.

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

Complete surrender should not just come at moments in which one faces overwhelming odds, but in the calm when it seems one is personally in complete control of one's life.

Why did the sheep get arrested?
She made a ewe turn!

----

How does a bloke find a sheep in long grass?
Very attractive.

-----

What do you call a hillbilly with a sheep under one arm and a cow under the other!
Bisexual

-----

Well, a couple months back there was this trial in the West Virginia courts. A man was being tried for fornicating with a sheep, since that's illegal an' all. Anyway, the key witness was an old fella who was walking along the highway by the farm where the sheep was raised. The prosecutor asked the witness what he saw:

"Well, I was walkin' along, and saw this sheep just'a eatin' grass. And then this fella walks up from behind the sheep, real quiet-like."

"And then what?" asked the prosecutor.

"Then he unbuckled his belt, and pulled the sheep close."

"And what happened after that?"

"Well," said the witness, "they sorta shook for a couple of minutes. THEN, afterwards, the sheep turned around... an' licked him!"

Just then one of the members of the jury leaned over to the jury member next to him and said, "You know... a good sheep'll do that."

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The Sheep Survey

There was once a university researcher who specialised in exploring modern myths and fables. One year, in the course of her research she was expected to investigate the real prevalence of sheep shagging. Now of course, we all know that supposedly rural farmers are all starved of sex and so have to indulge in the occasional animal liason, but just how prevalent was this trend?

Our intrepid researcher set off to find out. As she went along to the first farm, she was understandably a little embarased about what she was going to have to ask the farmer there. She met him and started to chat to him about the weather, crops and suchlike. Eventually, she got her nerve together and asked: "Pardon me asking, but....have you ever shagged your sheep?"

"I have." Was the dreaded answer.

"Err..., so how do you go about it exactly?"

"Well, it's pretty easy really. Front legs over a gate, hold the hind legs and you're away really."

The researcher quickly made her excuses and left. She felt sure this was an isolated incident. But as she travelled around the shhep farms, she repeatedly got the answer: "Front legs over a gate, hold the hind legs and you're away."

As she was reaching the end of her study, a shocking 62% of farmers had given this answer. It was obviously a much more prevalent custom than she had previously realised. At one of the last farms she visited, she asked the dreaded question after the usual small talk.

"Pardon me asking, but....have you ever shagged your sheep?"

"I have." Was the usual answer.

"So how do you go about it exactly?" (She was more confident of asking by now).

"Well, it's easy really. Front legs over your shoulders, hold the hind legs and you're away."

"Hang on a minute, all the other farmers I have spoken to have said front legs over a gate!"

"What! No kissing?"

-----

Oh, yeah ... one more ...

Q: Did you hear about the shepherd who committed suicide?
A: He heard the song, "There'll Never Be Another Ewe."

"a good sheep'll do that" OMG pmp

__________________
Though I am different from you,
We were born involved in one another.

For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.

Complete surrender should not just come at moments in which one faces overwhelming odds, but in the calm when it seems one is personally in complete control of one's life.