...from their children

There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.

If you spray hair spray on dust-bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they ignite.

A 4 yr olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 20 kilo boy wearing underwear and a cape.

It is however strong enough to spread paint on all four walls of a 6 x 6 metre room.

Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fans is on.

When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the baseball up a few times before you get a hit.

The glass in windows (even double-pane) does not stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'Uh-oh' it's already too late.

A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a small house centimetres deep.

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4 yr old.

Duplos will not.

'Playdough' and 'Microwave' should never be used in the same sentence.

Super glue is forever.

McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know (much less our 4 yr old)

Ditto Tarzan.

No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still cannot walk on water.

Pool filters do not like Jello.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

You probably don't want to know what that smell is.

Always look in the oven before turning it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

The fire department has at least a 5 min response time.

The spin cycle on a washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

It will, however make cats dizzy.

Cat's can throw up twice their bodyweight when dizzy.

Quiet does not necessarily mean 'Don't Worry.'

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LMFAO-

THat is too good to have come from a script writer. Only a real parent could produce that.

Thank you Shar

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If man can make it, a child can break it.

Thanks Sharni - good to have a parent support thread.

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Vigil, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.

Madam, if you were my wife, I would take it.

Well, I've got another one if you like parent stuff.
Potty Training


Any of you who have or have had small children ... can relate! And the rest of us can just laugh till we pee!

My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly.

One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him and he said, "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Matt, are you sure you did not have an accident?"

"No," he replied. I just knew that he must have, because the smell was getting worse. Sooooo....I asked one more time, "Matt, did you have an accident?" Matt jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled...."SEE, MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!!" While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened.

I was mortified! Some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better, when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had!!!

Another old gentleman stopped us in the parking lot as we were leaving, bent over to my son and said, "Don't worry son, my wife accuses me of the same thing all the time...I just never had the nerve to make the point like you did."

ROFL... tooo damn funny... I can relate to all of that as I have an 8 year old son that is constantly keeping me entertained LOL.. I am thanking my lucky stars tho that he hasn't put our ceiling fan to the test yet.

That is funny ... and it sounds like it came from some with lots of experience with kids! Loved it. Thanks, Sharni!

I needed a good laugh. Thanks ya'll.

Wench- I too had a simular experience in a food place with my now 4 year old. So I feel for you. But just look at it this way ...you can always get them back in the long run for any embarrassing moments they might cause you. Because one day they will bring the girl of there dreams home to meet mom and dad and then "showtime" or "story time"...payback are hell (but so fun).

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DAMN, YOU ARE A SEXY ONE-skipthisone

I beleive in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I beleive in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. Kevin Costner/Bull Duram

"Your body as well as mine has needs. This is juat a little foreplay to highten our desire for each other. If we play out the game of love to it's natural conclusion, you'll experience fulfillment. Give yourself up to me and I'll guide you along the path to pareadise. Together we will be like fire and ice, love and hate, life and death." Virginia Henley

WANTED: a moment when you kiss someone and eveything around you becomes hazy. And the only thing in focus is you and this person and you relize that he is the only person your suppose to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this amazing gift. You want to laugh and you want to cry. Cause you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared it will all go away at the same time.

Sharni---Pardon my ignorance, but what is a "duplo"? Irish

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Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

and guarantee that if it's 'child proof' the child can get it open before the adult can

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everybody's nuts...I just got caught!!

Thanks for the great laughs Sharniqua

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Though dreams can be deceiving, like faces are to hearts; they serve for sweet relieving when fantasy and reality lie too far apart.-Fiona Apple

It's all forgotten when your kids reach adulthood.
Unfortunately it's remembered again,when they have
kids.You go thru the same thing again,when you have
Grandkids!Get used to it. Irish

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Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

Hey Irish a duplo is a very large lego designed for kids 3 and under. Hope this helps if not visit the local Wal-Mart and go to the toy section. Look for legos and duplos will be in the same area.

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DAMN, YOU ARE A SEXY ONE-skipthisone

I beleive in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I beleive in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. Kevin Costner/Bull Duram

"Your body as well as mine has needs. This is juat a little foreplay to highten our desire for each other. If we play out the game of love to it's natural conclusion, you'll experience fulfillment. Give yourself up to me and I'll guide you along the path to pareadise. Together we will be like fire and ice, love and hate, life and death." Virginia Henley

WANTED: a moment when you kiss someone and eveything around you becomes hazy. And the only thing in focus is you and this person and you relize that he is the only person your suppose to kiss for the rest of your life. And for one moment you get this amazing gift. You want to laugh and you want to cry. Cause you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared it will all go away at the same time.

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Lol!!!!

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Trees give peace to the souls of men * Nora Waln

The forest would be very quiet if no other birds sang than those who sing the best * Henry van Dyke

some fairly sordid tales, rambles, and anecdotes
Hypothetically Speaking * Something More * Cammy Interrupted * An Experimental Vacation * Masked * so..damn..hot * Thank You * My toy, his idea * no.19 Maple Lane * I Have A Surprise For You * Yesterday * In a Quiet Kitchen * help me decide * untitled prose * more untitled prose