Words alone can express only a small part of what I feel now. Please know that I am holding back tears. That mushy, funny feeling that comes just before the tears flow...that is where I am at right now.

I will stay.

The response to my Goodbye letter blows my mind. Wow. I am overwhelmed. I am joyfully drowning in such love and affection as I never imagined. What a wonderful death it is. I knew there would be replies from special people I have met and who have touched me, and Oh! how they can touch–open, real, thrilling touches that heal my heart and soul. I did not suspect that so many others would respond. Again, I am overwhelmed. I have printed those and I will treasure those for many years to come. When I get down on myself, I can read your loving words and be thankful that you guys are as beautiful as you are.

The affection, attention, the validation as a human and a man that I hoped I would find here, is here and more abundant than I ever imagined. Whereas I hoped for 25%, I received 125%!

This creates a whole new dilemma. Now I must deal with higher self-esteem and a more healthy self-concept. Do you know how hard that will be? Do you realize how uncomfortable it is having good self-esteem when the opposite has been the norm? I only hope you do. (I joke about this. Being the clown has brought positive attention all my life. People are sometimes surprised to find more to me than that. Old habits man.)

To everyone who responded and if there are any yet to write, though there is no longer a need, thank you, thank you, thank you. I will stay. You have made me change my mind. Also, I did not realize that there are so many old and now drugless hippies here. Not only that, but people of all ages. I should read more profiles I guess. Seeing myself as an old man too soon is most likely a negative consequence of low self-esteem. Another thing to change.

Finally, I will not try to thank specific individuals for fear of offending someone I may not mention. I thank you all. I hug you all. I kiss most of you.

P.S.: Now... If I can just stop falling in love with every beautiful, sensitive, caring, and sexy woman I met here... This is a good place to learn that lesson.

In Deepest Gratitude and Lovin' the Hell Out of Ya All,
Larry