This is my first post here on pixies!

You guys and girls are pretty open about sexual issues and anything related to it and thats why I'm posting.

I have a problem, actually I don't even know if I have a problem... ohhh hell let me just explain the situation.

I've been together with my wife for about 5 years and we've been married for 2 years. A couple of weeks ago she confessed to me that she and her female cousin had a VERY intense (SP?) sexual relationship from very early childhood on. This was not a one time thing, it was continious, every weekend for a couple of years. Is that normal? Did I miss somthing? Did she do something wrong? How should I react, singing christmas songs next to the both of them?

Now I too did my show and tell thingy way back then, but nothing close to that! Christmas is coming up and the whole family is coming together. ... and this year willl be strange.... I don't know, I'll just see the two of them in a different light this year....

I just wanne know how you guys see that kinda thing.... Looking forward to comments, and please do excuse my spelling, English is not my native language.


Y'all have a really merry merry X-Mas
and a happy new Year

You guys and gals are great
thanks for hosting such a site!

Firstly, welcome to Pixies, Cal73!

In answer to your question....... you said

Seems to me, your wife felt comfortable enough in in your reaction to TELL you this in the first place..... plus, it was when she was young(er), at a time when most people are still exploring their sexuality. She appears to have decided men are her preference, sexually, and out of ALL the men around, she picked YOU!!

Doesn't that tell you something? cos, it does me! I'd say, enjoy the relationship you have, for what it is, and try to ignore whatever you imagine what may have happened in the past. After all, it's a truism that ALL the things that have happened to your wife in the past, made her the person you fell in love with...... so why question it?

Just my opinion........ Good Luck!!

DM

__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind

I agree with DM. If the relationship is not taking place now then don't let it bother your relationship with you and your wife. Your wife was obviously comfortable with and trusts you enough to tell you something of that nature and so therefore I think she is worth keeping definately. Its not going to do any good to say anything to your wife about it because after all that was the past and she can't change it. I don't really think what she did was "normal" perhaps, but I also don't think that she is some weirdo freak for it - I am sure there are plenty of people that have the same situational past as your wife. I would say try to ignore it and sing your Christmas carols like you would if you didn't know! Good luck!

Merry Christmas!

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Would you like more sex with that?

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.

If it was in the past, then it's done and over. But I do wonder what her reason is for telling you about it now. Maybe she is interested in doing it again? Maybe she has and is testing the waters to see if you'll be mad? Maybe she wants you to join in? You might ask why she has confessed all this to you. In the end though, I would try to put it out of your mind for the holidays and not think about it too much.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

__________________
Put me on wheels and I'll turn tricks.

Clever? Nah, I ran out of that years ago. But if you find this, let me know, k?
"The road goes ever on..." ~ Tolkien

In memory of my friend skip...
Go then, there are other worlds than these

I'd just hold her close and thank her for demonstrating such trust in me and accept it. If the relationship still exists I'd only worry if it interferes between you and your wife. If not, I'd just take things as they come. It's simply another facet of the woman you hold dear. Let it be.

__________________
As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will. He will be sure to repent - Socrates

Love is not looking in each other's eyes, but looking together in the same direction - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

dm: In deed I am the only person that she has told this to and I am very lucky to have her, she is my one and only and I am the luckies person on earth, and I mean that! I know all that but don'T you think that makes x-mas sort of strange?

pap: "I think she is worth keeping definately", that goes without saying. I am not questioning that, I only wanted to have some fedback from people who've been there and done that.

Oh Cal.... just move on... it doesn't sound like she has any long lasting negative issues from this experience... neither should you.

Consider it all part of her sexual journey... without it... she WOULDN'T be the person she is today... sexually or otherwise.. if you love her for everything that she is.. than just consider yourself lucky that she was able and willing to open up to you about such a deep personal thing.. and move on

Good Luck... have a wonderful holiday... give the cousin an extra hug this year knowing that she has helped your wife become who she is meant to be

Cal73,

I agree with DM and jennaflower

As to getting together at Christmas...if she had had a relationship with someone else you knew (before you got together) would you feel the same as you do about this past relationship with her cousin? I can see that it might be a bit uncomfortable but I don't think it is something you should dwell on.

I

Welcum to Pixies ((((Cal73))))!

All good thoughts from the Pixie heart...above!

I can feel your concern in your post......and it isn't all unfounded. Seems to me that such a big part of your S/O's life (a part that seems to have meant a lot to her) should have been divulged a long time before now! You have to tell us hun.....what provoked this conversation? I mean......(and maybe it's just me, but)....my husband and I lived together for 12 years before we married......but he knew EVERYTHING about my past within the first six months.....at the most! Some stuff (equal to what your wife has told you), I told him on a date......before we even moved in together. I'm just not sure why this has been kept from you for so long......and I think most of the poster's above are wondering too!

So.....you have to ask yourself.....or tell us.....what in the world made her hold out and wait till now to tell you this? Why, when you aired your past experiences....didn't she tell you at least a tid-bit of this? Did she share ANYTHING with you on "show and tell" day? Did you recently say or do something to make her think she should "one-up" you.....try and make you jealous....try and rock your smooth sailing boat?

OK....I'll ask you straight out...........have you been making comments or goo-goo eyes at her cousin recently....or all along?

And.....before you go getting all crazy with worry about what I've asked.......just think about this..........

Maybe she just now sighed her sigh of love personified for you.....and decided NOTHING should be kept a secret any longer!

But......you'll have to answer the questions......(not necessarily here......but in your own mind and heart).....and decide what the answers are!

BTW......You type better in English....than most English speaking people I know! LOL! TG for the edit button!

Happy Holidays sweety..........and don't anticipate the best.........cause if you anticipate perfection.......there will always be a let down.........so just take it as it comes.....and look back and realize it wasn't as bad as you would have expected!

__________________
Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

It's not exactly normal but not normal doesn't mean wrong, it just means not what most people do. It's certainly not normal to have Einstien's intelligence--but that sure doesn't mean that he was bad for being that smart.

I see two reasonable explanations: Either it's just that it took that long for her to have enough trust to open up to something like that, or because she's testing the waters to see how you would feel about a repeat engagement, either just the two of them or perhaps a threesome.

I agree it might be a little awkward at first for the first few minutes you see her cousin but I'm sure you'll get used to it.

All in her past - don't worry about it - made her what she is today - no problem at all ---- except.....

Except she has in her past had a pleasant experience with another lady. Mmmh - that means the single common hindrance to a FFM 3-some no longer exists for her. The thought of touching another woman holds no horrors. I would say that a little subtlety on your part could give some very interesting results. Hang on that lady, but give her the opportunity to bring something nice home for you to play with as well.

First of all, I would like to say that I that I respect you deeply Lixy! I am glad to be having this conversation with you(and with the other pixies members as well of course). The world needs more women like you , not trying to be flattering just stating my impressions. As for your questions, here are my answers:

"I'm just not sure why this has been kept from you for so long......and I think most of the poster's above are wondering too!"

She is from a very small town in eastern Germany where things are kept secret. This was a very big step for her, and I feel honored that she told me about this.
The thing is, that in my family the truth is the greatest value there is and she is trying to honor the tradition. I always remeber that the punishment for something that I did wrong when I was young was always greater if I lied instead of telling the truth.


"So.....you have to ask yourself.....or tell us.....what in the world made her hold out and wait till now to tell you this? Why, when you aired your past experiences....didn't she tell you at least a tid-bit of this?"

Actually she did not. I believe that she was too ashamed of it. To be honest I really don't have a problem with it. Kids play around to one degree or another, it's just that I'll just look at the two of them standing together in a different light. I like her cousin... but curse me its just going to be weird....


"Did she share ANYTHING with you on "show and tell" day? Did you recently say or do something to make her think she should "one-up" you.....try and make you jealous....try and rock your smooth sailing boat?"

Nothing of the kind, it came out of the blue

"OK....I'll ask you straight out...........have you been making comments or goo-goo eyes at her cousin recently....or all along?

I havn't, truely, although I believe her cousin is probably a great lay.


"And.....before you go getting all crazy with worry about what I've asked.......just think about this..........

Maybe she just now sighed her sigh of love personified for you.....and decided NOTHING should be kept a secret any longer!"

Actually I believe that is exactly the case! She is my one and only and I do think that she believed nothing should stand between us. This is a very comforting thought on the one hand, but it does need some geting used to. I was always the teachers in this relationship and now I find out that my student might just have something to teach me. Personally, I guess that makes me a lucky man.

"But......you'll have to answer the questions......(not necessarily here......but in your own mind and heart).....and decide what the answers are!"

I might as well answer here, since I posted the question in the first place.

Happy Holidays sweety..........and don't anticipate the best.........cause if you anticipate perfection.......there will always be a let down.........so just take it as it comes.....and look back and realize it wasn't as bad as you would have expected! [/B][/QUOTE]

Thanx LIXY you're a real seetheart! I appriciate all the lixie member coments thank you very much!

C.