*WARNING*some of these are really crude jokes but sooooooo funny

Farmer & the Cow
There was a farmer who owned a bull and a female cow and was trying desperately to mate the two. No matter what he did the bull didn't want any.
Finally he went to a friend who claimed to have had the same problem. So he asked him what could he do. The friend told him that he had to stick his arm up the cows pussy and rub it on the bull's nose. After doing so the bull went crazy and started humping the cow over and over.

With the success of the bull the farmer starts to wonder if this will work for him. So that night he gets in bed and starts playing with his wife. He rubs his nose with his hand and gets the biggest boner he has ever gotten.

He wakes his wife and tells her to look. She looks, and with a mean look on her face says, "You woke me up to show me that you have a bloody nose."

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

Shush
2 guys are drinking at a bar when one turns to the other & says "Right, time I was going home, the wife only lets me have 4 beers" His friend says, "No, no, no, that'll never do. You should do what I do. Drink as many beers as you can fit down you, follow that with 5 tequilas, 3 whiskeys & a bourbon! Then go home, shove your head under the blanket & lick your wifes pussy like crazy, she WONT complain after, trust me!" So the 1st guy says "FUCK IT!!",, gets tanked and wobbles home. After he stumbles up the stairs he opens the bedroom door, and without hesitation, dives under the blanket and licks away!

After 5 minutes he figures "Right, best go wash up or she'll never kiss me like this " So of to the bathroom he goes. When he gets there he see's his wife, laid there in the bath reading a book. "What the fuck!!" he shouts out. "SHUSH!!" shewispers back to him "You'll wake your mother!!"

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

Sick, sick puppies

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Love...the slowest form of suicide.

It gets worse I think I should be punished for posting this one


Sand Paper Sally
This guy is really desperate one night and he goes to this whore house and asks for the very best hooker they got..well they only have one available, Sand Paper Sally. This deperate guy is all what the hell so he goes up to a room and begins to have sex with her. For some odd reason it hurts and he asked her why, she stops and gets off him and excuses herself to the bathroom. About ten minutes later she returns and starts to have sex with the guy again. The guy was suprised how good it felt and he asked sally what she did and she said, "Oh nothing really, just picked my scabs."

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

Bob's out back workin on the car


Cleaning out the exhaust

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

One time at band camp......

........flautist

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

Now all they need to do is past Allyson Hannigans face on that pic...lol.

OMG! Lilith! Did you look through all those pics? Some were enough to give you nightmares! LOL
That guy with his dick in the tailpipe...that's got the makings of a trip to the ER and a great story for the doctors.

Eliza

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"Only the united beat of sex and heart together can create ecstasy" ~Anaïs Nin


"The full moon is calling, the fever is high.
And the wicked wind whispers and moans.
You got your demons, you got desires
Well, I got a few of my own"
~The Eagles

Gaddam, some body lost a bet or what...

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Plug me into somethin'

If the theory does not conform to the facts, then the facts must be discarded.

No good deed ever goes unpunished

Never argue with an idiot. He'll drag you down to his level, & beat you with experience.

Did you guys look at the rest of the pictures? I just can't..............look...........oh, my, did you see the size of that pop bottle?

Somebody definitly lost a bet.........

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A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

aaarrrggghhh.....Lilith...help me.....i looked...all of them......mind numb....need therapy.....HELP!!!!

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Life? O that thing again!

"I now leave you to your moosey fate"

Are we there yet?

Brings new meaning to the term "Skin Flute"