The English Language


Four all who reed and right!!


We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;

but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.


One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

yet the plural of moose should never be meese.


You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;

yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.


If the plural of man is always called men,

why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?


If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,

and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?


If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?


Then one may be that, and three would be those,

yet hat in the plural would never be hose,

and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.


We speak of a brother and also of brethren,

but though we say mother, we never say methren.


Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,

but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.


Let's face it - English is a crazy language!


There is no egg in eggplant

nor ham in hamburger;

neither apple nor pine in pineapple.


English muffins weren't invented in England.


We take English for granted. But if we explore its

paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly,

boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither

from Guinea nor is it a pig.


And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,

grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?


Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends

but not one amend?


If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all

but one of them, what do you call it?


If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?


If a vegetarian eats vegetables,

what does a humanitarian eat?


Sometimes, I think all the folks who grew up speaking

English should be committed to an asylum

for the verbally insane.


In what other language do people recite at a play

and play at a recital?


Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?


Have noses that run and feet that smell?


How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,

while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?


You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language

in which your house can burn up as it burns down,

in which you fill in a form by filling it out and

in which an alarm goes off by going on.


If Dad is Pop, how come Mom isn't Mop?


(Author Unknown or is it Knotknown?)

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Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

English? No, thank you, I'm Irish.

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On the kinkometer, my kink measures as a sine wave.

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I like that one, Irish

It's no wonder some immigrants can't speak the language! How can we demand something that we can't even make sense of?

LOL!

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

Lixy, the trouble is that we think we do make sense of it.

American English pissed is angry, Brit/Aussie it's drunk.

Stuffed is full from eating, but to us it's tired, or alternatively fucked.

Fanny is ass, but to us it's vagina.

It's no wonder the foreigners don't understand us.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating