12-25-2003, 05:05 PM
|
 |
<----Snappin' Pussy
|
|
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 106,936
|
|
Bloke Rules
1. Any Man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
3. It is OK for a man to cry under the following circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've known a bloke for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is strictly optional.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9. When stumbling upon other blokes watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another bloke in the nuts.
13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16. Women who claim to "love watching sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.
18. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
19. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.
20. If you compliment a bloke on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
21. Never join your girlfriend or wife in criticising a mate of yours,
except if she's withholding a shag pending your response.
22. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a. Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b. C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c. Another set and we can hit the showers!
23. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing, both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
24. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have a shag with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone; hang up if necessary.
25. You cannot grass on a colleague who shows up at work with a massive hangover. You may however, hide the aspirin, smear his chair with cheese, turn the brightness dial all the way down so he thinks his monitor is broken, and have him paged over the loud speaker every seven minutes.
26. The morning after you and a girl (who was formerly "just a friend") have carnal drunken monkey s*x, and the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty, is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
27. It is acceptable for you to drive her car.
It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
28. Thou shalt not buy a car with an engine capacity of less than 1.5 litres.
Thou shall not really buy a car with less than 2 litres, 16 valves, and a turbo.
29. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colours of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
30. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a playstation.
__________________
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your mouth.
*~Sharni~*
If you go hunting tigers....be prepared when ya catch one!
|
12-25-2003, 05:51 PM
|
 |
♦*♥Moderatrix♥*♦
|
|
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: on top of it all
Posts: 50,568
|
|
OMG I loved that! #26  Is like having break-up sex  |
12-25-2003, 06:38 PM
|
 |
Pixies Horse Widower
|
|
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Scotland
Posts: 9,483
|
|
Well, they ALL seem quite reasonable to me!!! 
DM
(Just my wee joke, y'know!!  )
__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind
|
12-25-2003, 06:51 PM
|
 |
1 of 8,213,984,035
|
|
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: 41.36N-81.32W
Posts: 21,538
|
|
I thought you were going to tell us a joke. 
__________________
 PANTIES
the best thing next to cuchie
"If God didn't want you to play with it, He would have put it between your shoulder blades,..... not at the end of your arm"
Except for speculation, we ONLY have NOW and EACHOTHER!
real world of cyber people ~ Pixies ~ real people of the cyber world
|
12-25-2003, 07:40 PM
|
 |
Registered User
|
|
Join Date: May 2001
Location: Rochester N.H.
Posts: 4,134
|
|
Sharni---I broke #29, years ago.I bought my friends '58 Pontiac &
it looked pink!The OFFICIAL Pontiac name was Sunrise Coral.He
was from Louisiana(sp?) & the car had never seen salt.That is
rare in NE.I traded a Black '57 Chevy for it & also gave $200.That
Chevy would probably,be worth $40,000,now.Who new?Then it
was just a '57 Chevy.(283cu. bored to 301,hot cam,high compression pistons,changed to 4speed,large rear tires on wide,
reversed rims,rear drag racing gears,new chrome trim all around,
etc.)+many other xtras. Irish
__________________
Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)
|
12-26-2003, 03:25 PM
|
 |
Banned
|
|
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: T.O.
Posts: 20,828
|
|
All very reasonable to me, too, DM |
12-26-2003, 03:54 PM
|
 |
Jumpin' Jelly Bean
|
|
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: England
Posts: 954
|
|
They may be your rules Sharni...but what about ours? |
12-26-2003, 04:06 PM
|
|
<----Snappin' Pussy
|
|
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 106,936
|
|
|
They are males *L*....it was sent to me from a bloke and he seemed to think they fit well *LOL*
__________________
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your mouth.
*~Sharni~*
If you go hunting tigers....be prepared when ya catch one!
|
12-26-2003, 05:34 PM
|
 |
Just me.
|
|
Join Date: May 2002
Location: West central Illinois
Posts: 590,002
|
|
|
Ah, words of wisdom and common sense never seem to age.
|
| Thread Tools |
Search this Thread |
|
|
|
| Display Modes |
Rate This Thread |
 Linear Mode
|
|
Posting Rules
|
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is Off
|
|
|
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:08 AM.
|
