|
Men & Women
1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call
each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and
Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy,
Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $20,
even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller
and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their
bill, out come the pocket calculators.
3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item
that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a
bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in
the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify
most of these items.
5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is
the beginning of a new argument.
6. CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men
kick cats.
7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never
worries about the future until he gets a wife
8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A
successful woman is one who can find such a man.
9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man
marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.
10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for
weddings and funerals.
11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate
during the night.
12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and
hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the
house.
13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing.
********************
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An
earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jack asses, and
pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of
yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
While attending a marriage seminar on communication, David and his wife
listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that
husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He
addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?" David
leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury
All-Purpose, isn't it?"
Who makes the coffee at your house?
Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible! It says............."HEBREWS!"
__________________
Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)
|
Linear Mode
