...something with my new girlfriend.
Because of lots of stress during the recent time (and going on) I am in a less potent phase. That means, I can only orgasm while masturbating, not during normal intercourse.
Well, her former boyfriend seems to have been completely impotent (she does not tell that exactly), and so one of her big wishes is that I should cum inside her.
I mean, we are having a lot of fun together, including real sex. My more-or-less-good-hard-on can last for a lot of time, and she orgasms several times, mainly but not only by my well-sophisticated manual and oral stimulation. Just this little detail is missing.
I masturbated in front of her afterwards instead.
Now she is concerned, she was thinking that perhaps she is the reason I cannot cum inside her. She told me that this detail is very important for her. She suggested I´d better not masturbate in front of her because this is giving her the feeling she could be the reason...
I only need stronger stimulation than usual, that normal intercourse cannot give me at the moment.
I have a little fear this all could lead to more, innecessary stress.

I am lucky because we are talking completely open (I always told her she can talk about everything and show her feelings, so do I).
And I do not set myself under pressure with it, because this only makes it worse.
I told her it is a temporary problem, but it probably will go on for a while.

So my question is: What is the probably best way to calm her down? I am not sure if she can believe me that she is not the reason, and that my body is also not the reason.

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If every material thing is gone, my smile and my tears stay left.

A few questions first... does she know of your history and the great amount of stress that you have been under? The emotional ups and downs that you have experienced could be part of it.

And please don't take this wrong. I am a woman and have been in a similar situation you have been with your divorce(although not as long as you have been experiencing it). Sometimes once you have gone through what you have gone through, it is hard to, dare I say trust again? I had a difficult time being able to "let myself go" in the moment because I was afraid of getting hurt again. That was a form of protection for me. Making love is a committment for a woman, and perhaps ejaculating is a form of committment for a man.... I don't know. Just some amature phychiatricy....

Hubby wonders if you masturbate a lot. If you have been and do, he thinks that maybe if you hold off from doing that, it may help. He went through a long period of time when he was married before where his wife at the time didn't like sex and his only relief was to masturbate. He had to do that so much that over time, he became desensitized to vaginal stimulation.....

Just keep talking to her, be very understanding - sounds like she is insecure about herself and needs you to "perform" to make her feel better. Maybe she can masturbate you, or just make sure that you are sooooooo relaxed that you can cum inside her.

The only problem is if you or her keep concentrating on that issue, it can make it more difficult for you....

Hope this helps.

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"There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that." (Lewis Grizzard)

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.
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Thank you.
1st the question: Yes, she knows my history.
2nd yes, I have been thinking about that trust thing also. But my conclusion is that I can trust, I just have to check better before. She is a very good person for having trust in.
3rd I am trying to masturbate less, because I know the effect. Perhaps I should try not to masturbate during some days to come back to more sensitivity.
4th very good idea to ask her for mutual masturbation. So SHE can make me cum, perhaps this is a help for her.

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If every material thing is gone, my smile and my tears stay left.

Steve, my S/O and I have been in a similar situation, at first I too thought it was my fault that he could not cum inside me which only added to his stress because he didn't want me to feel that way. Open communication is very important and I'm glad you have that...all of the above suggestions are great and may help. If she would like to talk to another female that has been in her position or if you'd like to ask me anything specific, please feel free to contact me, I'll help in whatever fashion I can *hugs*

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Don't forget to stop and smell the roses *S* @};-

TYVM for the response.

WOW, this weekend was a surprise for me:
since Tuesday or Wednesday I had been in a phase of very deep stress. My little partner decided to be a softie, and my girlfriend came on Friday to stay a night with me...
Because of the nice weather we went out for a walk before. I told her that this week we´d probably not be able to have too much fun together. She understood and told me it´s ok. Obviously she had been thinking about the weekend before, and had come to the conclusion she was asking for too much in my situation.
Later, back in my flat, we started fondling each other and... it made me hot! We started having sex and it was great! Not only this: I cared for not waiting too much time until my try to orgasm, and it worked!!! I could do it!!! We had a lot of fun yesterday and today, and we are both more than happy.
Later I asked her what the important thing is for her to want me to orgasm inside her. It was difficult to explain but she described it like: The mixing of our juices is a way for her for being together in the nearest way possible.
I think I understand.

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If every material thing is gone, my smile and my tears stay left.

Communication is the key to a healthy relationship.... sounds like you and she have the key! I am glad that what you were worrying so much about turned out to be not so much of a problem.

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A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

Germansteve - don't worry about it. It's part of the territory and happens to a lot of males (including this one. Two longish periods after divorcing.) Tell your lady to make the most of the situation. She will not be able to ride it for so long and have so many orgasms after you start coming again.