I've been with my husband for 4 years now. He was/is my first, but I am definitely not his. I had practically zero experience when we first started dating. He's been very frustrated with me for a long time now and I don't blame him. He has a very high sex drive and I apparently don't. How do I get into sex more? It doesn't help when he says, let's have sex and tries to get on top of me. It makes him grumpy when I'm not ready to go just like that.

When we do have sex I know it's not satisfying to him. He's never been able to get me off without a vibrator. He tells me to talk dirty, but I never know what to say. Nothing will come out of my mouth, I feel like I'm just going to sound stupid. He's always the one that is in charge, because I feel like I don't know what to do even after 4 years. Does anyone know anything we can try to make sex better for both of us?

sassipants,

Perhaps you could get him to talk about what he likes. You might also try to talk with him to so that he understands better about how you relate to sexual activity. Talking with him might also help you understand better how he relates to sexual activity.

You could also read some porn? That might give you some ideas that you could try on him to see if he likes them.

Good luck!

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Eudaimonia

I would add that conversations about sex are often better had not in the bedroom. While you are so kind to be worried about him being unsatisfied, it does not sound as if he is concerned enough about your satisfaction. First I would suggest you make sure you know what works best for you. If you don't masturbate, start. If you do and you always use a vibe, try going without. Reading or listening to erotica while you do this may help. Once you know how to please you, show him how. Another suggestion I would make is to have evening where it is just about your pleasure and evening where it is just about his. Those times can be opportunities to learn about what the other likes/needs without your own needs/desires taking front stage.

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I would agree that he is more concerned about his satisfaction than mine, but I think it's because he's so sick of trying. He asks me what I like, but the problem is, I don't really know.

You may not be his first but experience and learning experience can be two different things. I think a finger snap and pointing at your fly is only considered foreplay in Italian marriages these days.

Reading erotica can be stimulating to the libido as well as enlightening, as long as both remember it is primarily fantasy. I've found that when my complete attention is on my partners pleasure that my own reaches it's greatest heights. A slow, (that's spelled S, L, O, W) long exploration of sensuality can be many years of changing and pleasurable exploration and discovery to a marriage.

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... and what Lilith ^^^ said.

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What I understand here is that even though your husband was no virgin, he doesn't seem to have much more true sexual experience than you do. There's a lot more to lovemaking than just asking for sex and climbing on top. If my man did that he'd cop an ear bashing. It's common for younger, or less experienced women to be limited in the ways that they can orgasm, so I wouldn't stress too much about that, rather rejoice that you are capable of orgasm. I do agree with the others, that you would benefit from time alone to explore your body and experiment, and if your man wants you to be hot for him, he'll be delighted to spend time savouring your body and really getting to know what makes you tick. You'll find as your confidence in your own sexuality grows, you will come out of your shell and maybe even take charge in the bedroom at times. Eventually your man may be the one who can't keep up with your sex drive.

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