Subject: Thank You for Your Concern
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me> your chain letters over the past two years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Because of your concern...
I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked
with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are Actually Al
Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
troops.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid
number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain will
turn me gay.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant
freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my kidneys
and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward
an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has been
dying for the past seven years.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their
special e-mail program.
I will now return the favor.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60
seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00 pm and
the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will
occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's
neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer. Irish
