04-09-2005, 05:48 AM
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<----Snappin' Pussy
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Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Queensland, Australia
Posts: 106,936
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Dumb Warnings
Claymore Anti-Personal Mine: "DO NOT EAT"
Ansell Condoms: "Do not return used condoms to the manufacturer through the mail"
Trojan Condoms: "Use for sex only - not to be eaten"
Various Computers: "Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue"
7 Up: "Contents under pressure. Cap may blow off causing eye or other serious injury. Point away from face and people, especially when opening."
Bowl Fresh: "Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet."
Dremel Electric Rotary Tool: "This product not intended for use as a dental drill."
On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
On Nytol sleep aid: "Warning: may cause drowsiness."
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts."
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Korean kitchen knife: "Warning keep out of children"
On a helmet mounted mirror used by us cyclists: "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you"
On a Taiwanese shampoo: "Use repeatedly for severe damage"
On the bottle-top of a flavoured milk drink: "After opening, keep upright"
On a New Zealand insect spray: "This product not tested on animals."
In an american guide to setting up a new computer: "To avoid condensation forming, allow the boxes to warm up to room temperature before opening. (Sensible instruction was on the inside of the box.)"
On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids: "Lie down on bed and insert poscool slowly up to the projected portion Like a sword-guard into anal duct. While inserting poscool for Approximately 5 minutes, keep quiet."
On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place."
On an infant's bathtub: "Do not throw baby out with bath water."
On a package of Fisherman's Friend(R) throat lozenges: "Not meant as substitute for human companionship."
On a Magic 8 Ball: "Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test."
On a roll of Life Savers: "Not for use as a flotation device."
On a cup of McDonald's coffee: "Allow to cool before applying to groin area."
On a refrigerator: "Refrigerate after opening."
On a disposable razor: "Do not use this product during an earthquake."
On a handgun: "Not recommended for use as a nutcracker."
On pantyhose: "Not to be used in the commission of a felony."
On a piano: "Harmful or fatal if swallowed."
On a can of Fix-a-Flat: "Not to be used for breast augmentation."
On a Pentium chip: "If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2-shipping and a $3-handling charge, for a total of $4.97."
On work gloves: "For best results, do not leave at crime scene."
On a palm sander: "Not to be used to sand palms."
On a calendar: "Use of term "Sunday" for reference only. No meteorological warranties express or implied."
On Odor Eaters: "Do not eat."
On a blender: "Not for use as an aquarium."
On a fax machine: "WARNING! Never attempt to directly fax anyone an image of
your naked buttocks. Always photocopy your buttocks and fax the photocopy."
On a revolving door: "Passenger compartments for individual use only."
On a microscope: "Objects are smaller and less alarming than they appear."
On children's alphabet blocks: "Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive."
On a wet suit: "Capacity, 1."
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles: "Open Other End."
On a packet of Sunmaid raisins: "Why Not Try Tossing Over Your Favorite Breakfast Cereal?"
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Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your mouth.
*~Sharni~*
If you go hunting tigers....be prepared when ya catch one!
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