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Oh my lil roomie what a tangled web you weave...
Girl you know how much I love you, I have told you time and time agian. You are such an amazing smart girl and I love that I have gotten the chance to live with you. You have helped me through so many of my own problems, questions, and issues, I can't thank you enough. So now it is my turn... let me tell you what I think of the situation happening between you two...
As usual I am going to revert back to my own personal experience... James.
I had talked to him eight monthes before we met, and yes I did go back on my word when I promised I would take someone with me, but I havn't regreted it yet and I doubt I ever will. The very first night with him he gave me my very first kiss ever and touched me in ways I had never been touched before, he sent my head and heart right into the sky. That wonderful stary sky... When I first laid eyes on him, I started falling, he hadn't even spoke two words yet, and I knew right there that he was the man I had dreamt about. That afternoon, evening at dinner, and night under the stars he had my heart racing. I wanted to look into his eyes and did many times but always ended up looking away... I had a lust for him from the very start. I want to be clear in the fact that he always made it my choice and moved very slow with me to see if I would stop him. The very first time I met him I couldn't say no to his hands, his wonderful hands...
Now why was I like this you might wonder... well... my family wasn't ever really closed about sex, trust me it wasn't accepted for me to go out and be with boys all hours of the night... thus why I didn't do it till I was with James, two years after I moved out of my parent's house. My mom is very open to talk about sex if I wanted to with her, I don't want to, lol. If she asked me direct questions though I would answer her straight and wouldn't lie. It also helps me that my family was not religious, I was never taught or preached to about waiting for sex till I was married. (ps... I'm glad I didn't...)
Don't get me wrong there were some boundries I had put up to James, but we talked through them, he showed me how he thought of things, and then we discussed my oppinions. I learned so much from him, he completely opened my mind to try and discover new things.
Now Advice for you...
First and foremost, one thing that holds you back from him and doesn't let you give into your desires is how you look at yourself. You apparently see these flaws with your body... Girl I have looked at you a hundred times over (mind you through clothes)... From what I can see you have no flaws, you have an amazing beautiful body and you need to realize that about yourself.
Second, you have been taught to avoid sex, "sex is bad" I know you realize sex isn't bad, heck you have heard me talk about it enough, yet you still have questions and still don't quite exactly understands everything that happens, niether did I till I did it... lol. You are the type however that wants to know everything, know the potential bad outcomes, know the potential good ones, know everything you can before you do it, and you also will refuse to do anything that you feel might hurt you in the long run. This makes another part of you that I love. You are so careful and cautious, you will not get involved with anything that could potentially screw up your life. You don't want kids, so until you are 110% sure that you won't get pregnant... your not going to have sex. So we have the next reason for not giving into your desire.
Third, you want to know he is "the one." I think that is all I need to say here, there is no telling that... only time can speak to this one.
Now with all three of these reasons popping out at me all that it says is that you are doing the right thing by waiting. You aren't ready yet, simple as that, and trust me when you are, your body will scream it. The night I told James I wanted him then and there, my body wasn't nervous at all, all my desires just over took it, almost like I was a different person suddenly. Your body will tell you when you are ready, I wish I could explain this better but I really don't know how to... talk to me tomm when you wake up and read this, lol
As far as taking care of horomones, cold showers never worked for me, however, my right hand works very nicely. Also write... YOU LOVE TO WRITE, take it out in a poem, hot story, or whatever else your little heart desires. I always tease you about being contradictive, but it is so easy to be so open and "easy" online... to let your desires consume you and run a muck. You don't do it in real life because the "real world" doesn't work that way. It is impossible to have sex with so many different partners without any inhibitions. So if I have caused any of this worrying, my appologies.
You are a wonderfully amazing sweet smart girl, you won't make the wrong decision trust me. Just enjoy every moment you can with him, it doesn't matter if you have sex with him or not, besides take it from me, cuddleing and intense making out before even thinking about having sex... is sooo good...
I love ya girl, your on the right path just keep walking it....
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