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Im not really sure where this should be posted so Ill post it here since this thread is full of emotions. Ive been having a constant battle in my head over alot of things, but this one is the worst that I may never truely win...just subdue my feelings and press on. A friend told me I should post this on Pixies because it shows alot of who I am. If theres people out there struggling with problems that seem like they will never leave, you are not alone.

I wrote this a couple days ago, when I was really down. I wrote this from what I was thinking at that very second. Here goes...

The feeling inside, so sharp, so painful. The loneliness cuts my soul like a fiery blade from which I know not where it came. Will I ever be released? Releashed from my tomb of dispair and torment. Will the shear dark leave my place of happiness, my temple. Who will free my heart, my mind, soul and body? Who will bring forth true love, so sweet and innocent. The smiles of a goddess and the heart of an angel. One who I can truely let go, of myself, my feelings that are hidden so deep. My dreams be unfolded into the light of her fair figure. When can I be truthful, to myself, to my heart? I wonder aimlessly in search of the soul to free my own, to let me be who I am, not who they want to see. Will I find such a creature of beauty, of love and peace? Or must I suffer with one who I love not truely, not deeply. Can certain ties be stong enough to hold us together, o little ones. How beautiful they are...I clear my mind and see their sweet faces, so innocent and playful. I love them more than my existance itself. For I know that tie together will long outlast myself, the world and eternity. But why, why do I suffer so? Feelings of hurt and sorrow, hidden by tears and words. Will she ever change? Or just try to change me... Why cant she love me..for who I am, for what I am and not for her perception of what I should be. What is wrong with me? Should I hold strong for those I do love, or break away and hope they forgive me. Tears rolling down my face, the pain of losing. But am I long lost already? My heart seems so dry, lifeless and withdrawn. Why must I live this way..can I ever have a mate to love me..truely and deeply...forever...and keep my loves close. My heart says aye, but my mind disagrees. A life lived lonely is a life I must live, to keep my true love of the innocent ones. My heart rolls over to rest, never to wake again...