And as a second thought..

How can someone have their entire world upended.. for so long.. for years... to be tilted back properly.. but still off skew.. and still hope to .. live?

Is it possible.. or are we all kidding ourselves..

maybe i should rephrase that.. am i kidding myself? are my thoughts of grandeur.. exactly that.. just thoughts? or is it possible to continue.. with this.. new love..this thing you know is so dangerous.. so absolutely volatile..

This one thing you've held..caressed.. kissed.. everything.. been apart of so long... watch blow up in your face.. how can you truely trust it again?
i don't think its possible.. i think im just kidding myself again.. wait not again.. just more so.. Doubly so.. triply so.. shit i lost count..

A buddy of mine said something today.. that only conceded with my .. thoughts of late.. his qoute was..

"I'd like to find the guy that said. Its better to have loved and lost than to have ever loved. And punch him square in the mouth." I must agree..

Maybe its my own twisted thoughts. but i think i'd be a better person.. better off in the end of it all if i would have never encountered this dangerous .. whatever it is.. Enigma.. curse.. blessing.. whatever you want to call it..

I could go on for years.. i think.. trying to figure this out.. and die.. and never have figured it out..

But quite possibly that might be the answer.. maybe life... the reason we are here.. is to find this... this element harness it... work it... watch it blow... and work it again.. without fail until we have molded and shaped it into whatever we want? Make it ours.. Take away its .. free spirit if you want to call it that.. and just make it a part of our own spirit..

Maybe that's why its so difficult.. no not maybe.. it is.. that is why.. THat's it.. Love is its own free being.. it has thoughts.. will... and most of all the survival instinct of the most vicious hunter..

Just like a human spirit.. So why would this other.. entity want to bond with us? It doesnt.. Nothing does.. Nothing in this world will work together unless it has a reason too.. You need a reason.. something to offer each other..

The human spirit.. and the spirit of love have to offer each other something and in return.. they fuse.. and work together.. To create.. something else... which i've yet to find.. even through my years spent traveling with love.. never once has it touched me i think.. I've only been able to pal around with it..

Thats right..... so.. maybe this isnt finding love again.. this is just ending up sitting next to it on the next ride....

Shit.... sucks riding shotgun when you wanna be the driver....

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Fantasy is only as as fake as your body wants it to be.