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Old 10-05-2004, 09:56 PM
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Lilith Lilith is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2001
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about

My mother never breast-fed me. She told me she liked me as a friend.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.

They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another.

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
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